The One With Ross' New Girlfriend

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Originally written by Jeff Astroff and Mike Sikowitz
Transcribed by Mindy Mattingly Phillips.
With Minor Adjustments by: Eric Aasen

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[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is recapping last season, and as she talks we see a montague of scenes from Ross and Rachel.]

이 중에서 몇 개만 확실히 외우면 성공입니다. 욕심을 버려야 합니다. 다 얻으려면 다 잃습니다. 자신에게 와닿는 표현들 몇 개만을 집중적으로 물고 늘어지시기 바랍니다. 선택과 집중! 자신에게 와닿는 표현이란? 자신과 궁합이 맞는 표현입니다. 결국 모든 영어를 다 할 수도 없고, 그럴 필요도 없는 겁니다. 자신과 잘 맞는 것만 선택해서 집중적으로 외우시기 바랍니다. 
 
자신과 궁합이 맞지 않는 표현들은 외워봐야 결국 못 써먹습니다. 입에서 나오지 않습니다. 결국 누구나 자신만의 영어를 할 수 밖에 없는 겁니다. 포기할 것은 빨리 포기하고 얻을 수 있는 것만 얻는 것! 이게 겸손한 방법이요, 산전수전 다 겪은 고수들의 방법입니다. 고수들은 자신의 한계를 분명히 아는 사람입니다. 자신의 한계를 벗어나지 않습니다. 그래서 고수들은 분명한 색깔을 가지고 있습니다. 색깔이 없는 사람은 아직 고수가 아닙니다. 아무 영어나 다 외우려고 하는 사람은 아직 아마추어 입니다.

The One With the Breast Milk

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Originally written by Adam Chase and Ira Ungerleider
Transcribed by Mindy Mattingly Phillips
With Minor Adjustments by: Eric Aasen

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[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]

MONICA: (entering from her bedroom carrying a present) Ok, these were unbelievably expensive, and I know he's gonna grow out of them in like, 20 minutes, but I couldn't resist. (There a little pair of Nike shoes.)

PHOEBE: Oh, look at these! Hey, Ben. Just do it. (Ben starts to cry) Oh my god, oh, ok, was that too much pressure for him?

SUSAN: Oh, is he hungry already?

CAROL: I guess so. (Carol starts to breast feed Ben.)

CHANDLER: You know, it's... (sees the feeding taking place next to him) something funny about sneakers. I'll be right back. (Goes into the kitchen)

JOEY: (joins him) I gotta get one, too.

ROSS: (following them into the kitchen) What are you guys doing?

CHANDLER: We're just hanging out by the spoons. Ladle?

ROSS: Look, would you guys grow up? That is the most natural beautiful thing in the world.

JOEY: Yeah, we know, but there's a baby suckin' on it.

ROSS: This is my son having lunch, ok? It's gonna happen a lot, so you'd better get used to it. Now if you have any problem with it, if you're uncomfortable, just ask questions. Carol's fine with it, now come on.

(They go back into the living room)

CHANDLER: Carol, Carol? I was just wondering if Joey could ask you a question about breast-feeding?

CAROL: Sure.

JOEY: Uh, does it hurt?

CAROL: It did at first, but not anymore.

JOEY: Chandler?

CHANDLER: So, uh, how often can you do it?

CAROL: As much as he needs.

JOEY: Ok, I got one, I got one. If he blows into one, does the other one get bigger?

OPENING TITLES

[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is all there.]

JULIE: Rachel, do you have any muffins left?

RACHEL: Yeah, I forget which ones.

JULIE: Oh, you're busy, that's ok, I'll get it. Anybody else want one?

ALL: No thanks.

JULIE: Oh, you're losin' your apron here, let me get it. There you go. (Ties it back up for her)

RACHEL: (to Julie) Thank you. (under her breath to Chandler) What a bitch.

JULIE: Oh, listen you guys. I have this friend at Bloomingdales who's quitting tomorrow and he wants to abuse his discount. So, anyone want to come with me and take advantage of it?

PHOEBE: I can't, I have to take my grandmother to the vet.

MONICA: Ok, um, I'll go with you.

JULIE: Great.

ROSS: (enters) Hi, honey.

CHANDLER: Hey, sweetums.

ROSS: Hello to the rest.

ALL:  Hi!

JOEY: Monica what're you doin'? You can't go shopping with her? What about Rachel?

MONICA: It's gonna be a problem, isn't it?

CHANDLER: Come on, you're going to Bloomingdales with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.

MONICA: But I'm--

PHOEBE: Monica, she will kill you. She will kill you like a dog in the street.

ROSS: So, uh, Jules tells me you guys are going shopping tomorrow?

MONICA: Yeah, uh, it's actually not that big a deal.

ROSS: It's a big deal to me. This is great, Monica. I really appreciate this.

MONICA: You're welcome.

PHOEBE: Woof, woof.

[Scene: A Department Store, Joey is selling men's cologne.]

JOEY: Bijan for men? Bijan for men? Bijan for men? Hey Annabelle.

ANNABELLE: Hey, Joey. So did you hear about the new guy?

JOEY: Who?

ANNABELLE: Nobody knows his name. Me and the girls just call him the Hombre man.

JOEY: What's he doin' in my section?

ANNABELLE: I guess he doesn't know.

JOEY: Well, he's gonna. I'll see you a little later, ok? Hey, how ya doin'?

TODD: Mornin'.

JOEY: Listen, I know you're new, but it's kinda understood that everything from Young Men's to the escalator is my territory.

TODD: Your territory, huh?

JOEY: Yeah. Bijan for men?

GUY: No thanks.

TODD: Hombre?

GUY: Yeah. All right.

TODD: You were saying?

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Monica enters.]

MONICA: Phoebe, listen. You were with me, and we were shopping all day.

PHOEBE: What?

MONICA: We were shopping, and we had lunch.

PHOEBE: Oh, all right. What did I have?

MONICA: You had a salad.

PHOEBE: Oh, no wonder I don't feel full.

RACHEL: (entering) Hey, guys, what's up.

PHOEBE: I went shopping with Monica all day, and I had a salad.

RACHEL: Good, Pheebs. What'd you buy?

PHOEBE: Um, we went shopping for um, for, fur.

RACHEL: You went shopping for fur?

PHOEBE: Yes, and then I realized I'm against that, and uh, so then we bought some, (sees Monica pointing at her chest) uh, boobs.

RACHEL: You bought boobs?

PHOEBE: (Monica is yanking on her bra strap) Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras.

[Scene: The Department Store, Joey is trying to sell some cologne.]

JOEY: Bijan for men? Hey, Annabelle, Uh, listen, I was wondering if maybe after work you and I could go maybe grab a cup of coffee.

ANNABELLE: Oh, actually I sorta have plans.

TODD: Ready, Annabelle?

ANNABELLE: You bet. Maybe some other time?

JOEY: Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl to a cowboy spraying cologne. Bijan for men?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol is dropping Ben off for Ross to watch.]

CAROL: Ok, and this is Funny Clown. Funny Clown is only for after his naps, not before his naps or he won't sleep.

ROSS: Carol, we've been through this before, ok? We have a good time. We laugh, we play. It's like we're father and son.

SUSAN: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.

RACHEL: Oh, this is so cute.

SUSAN: Oh, I got that for him.

ROSS: My mommies love me. That's clever.

MONICA: Hello? Oh, Hi, Ju-- Hi, Jew! Uh huh? Uh huh? Ok. Um, sure, that'd be great. See ya then. Bye.

RACHEL: Did you just say Hi, Jew?

MONICA: Yes. Uh, yes, I did. That was my friend, Eddie Moskowitz. Yeah, he likes it. Reaffirms his faith.

PHOEBE: Ben, dinner!

ROSS: Thanks Aunt Pheebs. Hey, you didn't microwave that, did you, because it's breast milk, and you're not supposed to do that.

PHOEBE: Duh, I think I know how to heat breast milk. Ok.

CHANDLER: What did you just do?

PHOEBE: I licked my arm, what?

ROSS: It's breast milk.

PHOEBE: So?

RACHEL: Phoebe, that is juice, squeezed from a person.

JOEY: What is the big deal?

CHANDLER: What did you just do?

ROSS: Ok, would people stop drinking the breast milk?

PHOEBE: You won't even taste it?

ROSS: No!

PHOEBE: Not even if you just pretend that it's milk?

ROSS: Not even if Carol's breast had a picture of a missing child on it.

MONICA: Hey, where is everybody?

RACHEL: They took Ben to the park. Where've you been?

MONICA: Just out. Had some lunch, just me, little quality time with me. Thanks for your jacket.

RACHEL: Oh, no problem. You can borrow it, by the way. Here are your keys, hon. Mon, if uh you were at lunch alone, how come it cost you uh 53 dollars?

MONICA: You know what probably happened? Someone musta stolen my credit card.

RACHEL: And sorta just put the receipt back in your pocket

MONICA: That is an excellent excellent question. That is excellent.

RACHEL: Monica, what is with you? Who'd you have lunch with?

MONICA: Judy.

RACHEL: Who?

MONICA: Julie.

RACHEL: What?

MONICA: Jody.

RACHEL: You were with Julie?

MONICA: Look, when it started I was just trying to be nice to her because she was my brother's girlfriend. And then, one thing led to another and, before I knew it, we were...shopping.

RACHEL: Oh. Oh my god.

MONICA: Honey, wait. We only did it once. It didn't mean anything to me.

RACHEL: Yeah, right.

MONICA: Really, Rachel, I was thinking of you the whole time. Look, I'm sorry, all right. I never meant for you to find out.

RACHEL: Oh, please, you wanted to get caught.

MONICA: That is not true!

RACHEL: Oh, so you just sort of happened to leave it in here?

MONICA: Did it ever occur to you that I might just be that stupid?

RACHEL: Ok, Monica. I just have to know one thing. Did you go with her to Bloomingdales? Oh! Ok, ok, ok, I just really, uh, I just really need to not be with you right now.

MONICA: Hi, who's this? Hi, Joanne. Is Rachel working? It's Monica. Yes, I know I did a horrible thing. Joanna, it's not as simple as all that, ok? No, I don't care what Steve thinks. Hi, Steve.

CAROL: How did we do?

PHOEBE: Oh, I tasted Ben's milk, and Ross freaked out.

ROSS: I did not freak out.

CAROL: Why'd you freak out?

ROSS: Because it's breast milk. It's gross.

CAROL: My breast milk is gross?

SUSAN: This should be fun.

ROSS: No, no, Carol. There's nothing wrong with it. I just don't think breast milk is for adults.

CHANDLER: Of course the packaging does appeal to grown-ups and kids alike.

CAROL: Ross, you're being silly. I've tried it, it's no big deal. Just taste it.

ROSS: That would be no.

PHOEBE: Come on. It doesn't taste bad.

JOEY: Yeah, it's kinda sweet, sorta like, uh--

SUSAN: Cantaloupe juice.

JOEY: Exactly.

ROSS: You've tasted it? You've tasted it.

SUSAN: Uh huh.

ROSS: Oh, you've tasted it.

SUSAN: You can keep saying it, but it won't stop being true.

ROSS: Gimme the bottle. Gimme the towel.

CHANDLER: Howdy.

JOEY: Gimme a box a juice. Well, they switched me over to Hombre.

CHANDLER: Well, maybe it's because of the way you're dressed.

JOEY: Or maybe it's because this guy's doing so good they wanna put more people on it. You should see this guy, Chandler, he goes through two bottles a day.

CHANDLER: What do you care? You're an actor. This is your day job. This isn't supposed to mean anything to you.

JOEY: I know, but, I was the best, you know? I liked being the best. I don't know. Maybe I should just get outta the game. They need guys up in housewares to serve cheese.

CHANDLER: All right, say you do that. You know sooner or later somebody's gonna come along that slices a better cheddar. And then where're you gonna run?

JOEY: Yeah I guess you're right.

CHANDLER: You're damn right I'm right. I say you show this guy what you're made of. I say you stand your ground. I say you show him that you are the baddest hombre west of the lingerie.

JOEY: I'm gonna do it.

CHANDLER: All right. Now go see Miss Kitty and she'll fix you up with a nice hooker.

MONICA: I don't know what else to say.

RACHEL: Well that works out good, because I'm not listening.

MONICA: I feel terrible, I really do.

RACHEL: Oh, I'm sorry, did my back hurt your knife?

MONICA: Rachel, say that I'm friends with her, we spend some time together. Is that so terrible?

RACHEL: Yes.

MONICA: It's that terrible?

RACHEL: Yes. Monica, you don't get it. It's bad enough that she's stolen the guy who might actually be the person that I am supposed to be with, but now, she's actually, but now she's actually stealing you.

MONICA: Me? What are you talking about? Nobody could steal me from you. I mean, just because I'm friends with her doesn't make me any less friends with you. I mean, you're my...We're, we're...Oh, I love you.

RACHEL: I love you too.

PHOEBE: You guys, um I know that this really doesn't have anything to do with me, but um I love you guys too. Oh, I really needed that.

MONICA: Look, I know that you're in a place right now where you really need to hate Julie's guts, but she didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she was just a girl who met a guy, and now they go out. I really think that if you gave her a chance, you'd like her. Would you just give that a chance, for me?

RACHEL: I'd do anything for you, you know that.

MONICA: I'd do anything for you.

PHOEBE: Wait, wait, wait, wait!

JOEY: Mornin'. I said, mornin'.

TODD: I heard ya.

STORE GUY: All right, everybody, I'm openin' the doors. You boys ready?

TODD: Ready.

JOEY: Yeah, I'm ready.

CUSTOMER: You idiot, you stupid cowboy, you blinded me, I'm suing!

STORE GUY: Oh my god, Todd! What the hell did you do?

TODD: I'm sorry. I am such a doofus. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

ANNABELLE: My god, what happened?

JOEY: These new kids, they never last. Sooner or later, they all...stop lastin'. Listen, uh, what do you say I buy you that cup of coffee now?

ANNABELLE: Sure.

JULIE: So.

RACHEL: So. I just thought the two of us should hang out for a bit. I mean, you know, we've never really talked. I guess you'd know that, being one of the two of us, though, right?

JULIE: I know, I probably shouldn't even tell you this, but I'm pretty much totally intimidated by you.

RACHEL: Really? Me?

JULIE: Yes. Oh my god, are you kidding? Ross is so crazy about you, and I really wanted you to like me, and, it's probably me being totally paranoid, but I kinda got the feeling that maybe you don't.

RACHEL: Well, you're not totally paranoid.

JULIE: Oy.

RACHEL: Um, ok, uh, oh god, um, when you and uh Ross first started going out, it was really hard for me, um, for many reasons, which I'm not gonna bore you with now, but um, I just, I see how happy he is, you know, and how good you guys are together, and um, Monica's always saying how nice you are, and god I hate it when she's right.

JULIE: Thanks. Hey, listen, would you like to go to a movie sometime or something?

RACHEL: Yeah, that'd be great. I'd love it.

JULIE: I'd love it too. Shoot, I gotta go. So, I'll talk to you later.

RACHEL: All right, Julie. What a manipulative bitch.

END

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이 중에서 몇 개만 확실히 외우면 성공입니다. 욕심을 버려야 합니다. 다 얻으려면 다 잃습니다. 자신에게 와닿는 표현들 몇 개만을 집중적으로 물고 늘어지시기 바랍니다. 선택과 집중! 자신에게 와닿는 표현이란? 자신과 궁합이 맞는 표현입니다. 결국 모든 영어를 다 할 수도 없고, 그럴 필요도 없는 겁니다. 자신과 잘 맞는 것만 선택해서 집중적으로 외우시기 바랍니다. 
 
자신과 궁합이 맞지 않는 표현들은 외워봐야 결국 못 써먹습니다. 입에서 나오지 않습니다. 결국 누구나 자신만의 영어를 할 수 밖에 없는 겁니다. 포기할 것은 빨리 포기하고 얻을 수 있는 것만 얻는 것! 이게 겸손한 방법이요, 산전수전 다 겪은 고수들의 방법입니다. 고수들은 자신의 한계를 분명히 아는 사람입니다. 자신의 한계를 벗어나지 않습니다. 그래서 고수들은 분명한 색깔을 가지고 있습니다. 색깔이 없는 사람은 아직 고수가 아닙니다. 아무 영어나 다 외우려고 하는 사람은 아직 아마추어 입니다.




The One Where Mr. Heckles Dies

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Originally written by Michael Curtis and Greg Malins
Trascribed by Mindy Mattingly Phillips
With Minor Adjustments by: Eric Aasen

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CHANDLER: Hey.

MONICA: So how was Joan?

CHANDLER: I broke up with her.

CHANDLER: They were huge. When she sneezed, bats flew out of them.

RACHEL: Come on, they were not that huge.

CHANDLER: I'm tellin' you, she leaned back, I could see her brain.

MONICA: How many perfectly fine women are you gonna reject over the most superficial insignificant things?

JOEY: Hold it hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this one. When I first moved to the city, I went out a couple of times with this girl, really hot, great kisser, but she had the biggest Adam's apple. It made me nuts.

CHANDLER: You or me?

ROSS: I got it. Uh, Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.

JOEY: You guys are messin' with me, right?

ALL: Yeah.

JOEY: That was a good one. For a second there, I was like, "whoa."

PHOEBE: You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason.

CHANDLER: Maureen Rosilla.

ROSS: Not hating Yanni is not a real reason.

(knock)

MONICA: Hello, Mr. Heckles.

MR. HECKLES: You're doing it again.

MONICA: We're not doing anything.

MR. HECKLES: You're stomping. It's disturbing my birds.

RACHEL: You don't have birds.

MR. HECKLES: I could have birds.

MONICA: Ok, Mr. Heckles, we'll try to keep it down.

MR. HECKLES: Thank you. I'm going to rejoin my dinner party.

RACHEL: All right, bye-bye.

CHANDLER: Ok, Janice. Janice. You gotta give me Janice. That wasn't about being picky.

ROSS: We'll give you Janice.

PHOEBE: I miss Janice though. "Hello, Chandler Bing."

RACHEL: "Oh, my, god."

JOEY: "Oh, Chandler, now, now, that's it. There, faster!"

MONICA: Stop with the broom, we're not making noise.

RACHEL: We won. We won!

MONICA: Mr. Heckles.

RACHEL: How did this happen?

MR. TREEGER: He musta been sweepin'. They found a broom in his hand.

MONICA: That's terrible.

MR. TREEGER: I know. I was sweepin' yesterday. It coulda been me.ROSS: Sure, sweepin'. You never know.

MR. TREEGER: You never know.

PHOEBE: Ok, it's very faint, but I can still sense him in the building. Go into the light, Mr. Heckles!

CHANDLER: Ok, Phoebe.

PHOEBE: I'm sorry, but sometimes they need help. That's fine. Go ahead and scoff. You know, there're a lot of things that I don't believe in, but that doesn't mean they're not true.

JOEY: Such as?

PHOEBE: Like crop circles, or the Bermuda triangle, or evolution?

ROSS: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, you don't, uh, you don't believe in evolution?

PHOEBE: Nah. Not really.

ROSS: You don't believe in evolution?

PHOEBE: I don't know, it's just, you know...monkeys, Darwin, you know, it's a, it's a nice story, I just think it's a little too easy.

ROSS: Too easy? Too...The process of every living thing on this planet evolving over millions of years from single-celled organisms, too easy?

PHOEBE: Yeah, I just don't buy it.

ROSS: Uh, excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity.

PHOEBE: Ok, don't get me started on gravity.

ROSS: You uh, you don't believe in gravity?

PHOEBE: Well, it's not so much that you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just...I don't know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.

(knock)

CHANDLER: Uh-Oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed.

MR. TREEGER: There she is. And over there, that's the other one. This is Mr. Buddy Boyle, Mr. Heckles' attorney. He'd like to talk to you.

MONICA: What can we do for you?

MR. BOYLE: All right, kids. Here's the deal. According to my client's will, he wants to leave all his earthly possessions to "the noisy girls in the apartment above mine".

MONICA: Well, what about his family?

MR. BOYLE: He didn't have any.

RACHEL: Ok, so let's talk money.

MR. BOYLE: All right, there was none. Let's talk signing. You be noisy girl number one, you be noisy girl number two.

MONICA: I can't believe that this whole time we thought he hated us. I mean, isn't it amazing how much you can touch someone's life, without even knowing it?...Would you look at this dump? He hated us. This is his final revenge!

RACHEL: Have you ever seen so much crap?

CHANDLER: Actually, I think this apartment sullies the good name of crap

JOEY: Check this out. Can I have this?

ROSS: How can you not believe in evolution?

PHOEBE: Just don't. Look at this funky shirt!

ROSS: Pheebs, I have studied evolution my entire adult life. Ok, I can tell you, we have collected fossils from all over the world that actually show the evolution of different species, ok? You can literally see them evolving through time.

PHOEBE: Really? You can actually see it?

ROSS: You bet. In the U.S., China, Africa, all over.

PHOEBE: See, I didn't know that.

ROSS: Well, there you go.

PHOEBE: Huh. So now, the real question is, who put those fossils there, and why?

CHANDLER: Hey, look at this. "My Big Book of Grievances."

JOEY: Hey, there's me! April 17th. Excessive noise. Italian guy comes homes with a date. Hey Chandler, look, you're in here too.

CHANDLER: April 18th, excessive noise. Italian guy's gay roommate comes home with the dry-cleaning. Well that's excellent.

RACHEL: Monica, Monica, look at this lamp. Is this tacky or what? We have to have this.

MONICA: Rache, I think we have enough regular lamps.

RACHEL: What? Come on, it's not like I'm asking for this girly clock or anything, which, by the way, I also think is very cool.

MONICA: It doesn't go with any of my stuff.

RACHEL: Well, what about my stuff?

MONICA: You don't have any stuff.

RACHEL: You still think of it as your apartment, don't you?

MONICA: No.

RACHEL: Yes you do. You think of it as your apartment, and I'm just somebody who rents a room.

MONICA: Mmmmm.

RACHEL: Ok, while you "mmm" on it for awhile, I'm gonna go find a place for my new lamp.

ROSS: Ok, Pheebs. See how I'm making these little toys move? Opposable thumbs. Without evolution, how do you explain opposable thumbs?

PHOEBE: Maybe the overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts.

ROSS: Please tell me you're joking.

PHOEBE: Look, can't we just say that you believe in something, and I don't.

ROSS: No, no, Pheebs, we can't, ok, because--

PHOEBE: What is this obsessive need you have to make everyone agree with you? No, what's that all about? I think, I think maybe it's time you put Ross under the microscope.

ROSS: Is there blood coming out of my ears?

JOEY: Check it out, check it out. Heckles' high school yearbook.

CHANDLER: Wow, he looks so normal.

PHOEBE: He's even kind of cute.

JOEY: "Heckles, you crack me up in science class. You're the funniest kid in school.

CHANDLER: Funniest? Heckles?

JOEY: That's what it says.

CHANDLER: Wow, Heckles was voted class clown, and so was I. He was right. Would you listen to that?

PHOEBE: I'd call that excessive.

CHANDLER: Whoa!

JOEY: What?

CHANDLER: Heckles played clarinet in band, and I played clarinet. And he was in the scale modeler's club, and I was, well, there was no club, but I sure thought they were cool.

JOEY: So, you were both dorks. Big deal.

CHANDLER: I just think it's weird, you know? Heckles and me, Heckles, and me, me and Heckles...Would you knock it off?

JOEY: Have you been here all night?

CHANDLER: Look at this. Pictures of all the women that Heckles went out with. Look what he wrote on them. Vivian, too tall. Madge, big gums. Too loud, too smart, makes noise when she eats. This is, this is me. This is what I do. I'm gonna end up alone, just like he did.

JOEY: Chandler, Heckles was a nut case.

CHANDLER: Our trains are on the same track, ok? Yeah, sure, I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same. Bitter Town. Aloneville. Hermit Junction.

JOEY: All right, you know what we gotta do? We gotta get you outta here. Come on, I'll buy you breakfast, let's go.

CHANDLER: What if I never find someone? Or worse, what if I've found her, but I dumped her because she pronounced it "supposably"?

JOEY: Chandler, come on, you're gonna find somebody.

CHANDLER: How do you know that? How?

JOEY: I don't know, I'm just tryin' to help you out.

CHANDLER: You'll see, you guys are all gonna go off and get married, and I'm gonna end up alone. Will you promise me something? When you're married, will you invite me over for holidays?

JOEY: Well, I don't know. I don't know what we're gonna be doin'. I mean, what if we're at her folks' place?

CHANDLER: Yeah, I understand.

JOEY: You can come over and watch the Super Bowl. Every year, all right?

CHANDLER: You know what? I'm not gonna end up like this. I'll see you man.

JOEY: Supposably. Supposably. Did they go to the zoo? Supposably.

CHANDLER: (on phone) Hi, it's me.

JANICE: Oh, my, god.

PHOEBE: Janice? You called Janice?

CHANDLER: Yes, Janice. Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend?

ROSS: You remember Janice, right?

CHANDLER: Yes. She was smart, she was pretty, and she honestly cared about me. Janice is my last chance to have somebody.

JANICE: Helloo!!

CHANDLER: Oh, my, god!

JOEY: Geez, look how fat she got.

JANICE: Hey, it's everybody.

CHANDLER: Janice, you're--

JANICE: Yes, I am.

CHANDLER: Is it--?

JANICE: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Chandler Bing. You are looking at a married lady now.

CHANDLER: Congratulations.

JANICE: Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.

CHANDLER: You couldn't have told me about this on the phone?

JANICE: And what? Missed the expression on your face? Janice likes to have her fun.

MONICA: Hey, Rache. You know what we haven't played in a while?

RACHEL: What?

MONICA: Hide the Lamp.

RACHEL: Monica, let it go.

MONICA: Did you know I was allergic to shellfish?

RACHEL: Well, then, you'll just have to eat the other lamps.

PHOEBE: Uh-oh. It's Scary Scientist Man.

ROSS: Ok, Phoebe, this is it. In this briefcase I carry actual scientific facts. A briefcase of facts, if you will. Some of these fossils are over 200 million years old.

PHOEBE: Ok, look, before you even start, I'm not denying evolution, ok, I'm just saying that it's one of the possibilities.

ROSS: It's the only possibility, Phoebe.

PHOEBE: Ok, Ross, could you just open your mind like this much, ok? Wasn't there a time when the brightest minds in the world believed that the world was flat? And, up until like what, 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing, until you split it open, and this like, whole mess of crap came out. Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can't admit that there's a teeny tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?

ROSS: There might be, a teeny, tiny, possibility.

PHOEBE: I can't believe you caved.

ROSS: What?

PHOEBE: You just abandoned your whole belief system. I mean, before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you. How, how, how are you going to go into work tomorrow? How, how are you going to face the other science guys? How, how are you going to face yourself? Oh! That was fun. So who's hungry?

RACHEL: I am. Let me just get my coat.

MONICA: Ok, all right. It was an accident, I swear, all right. I was putting on my jacket, and the thing, and the lamp, and it broke.

RACHEL: Oh, please, Monica. You've always hated my lamp, and then, all of a sudden, it's just magically broken?

MONICA: Phoebe, tell her!

PHOEBE: Ok, I didn't see it, because I was putting on my jacket, but I uh want to believe you.

RACHEL: Hey Chandler. Monica just broke my seashell lamp.

CHANDLER: Neat. I'm gonna die alone.

RACHEL: Ok, you win.

MONICA: Chandler, you're not gonna die alone.

CHANDLER: Janice was my safety net, ok? And now I have to get a snake.

PHOEBE: Uh huh. Why is that?

CHANDLER: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y=know. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout!

MONICA: You have got to get over this. You're not gonna end up alone.

CHANDLER: Of course I am. I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me, and then I bitch about the fact that there aren't any great women out there.

RACHEL: Chandler, you have just described virtually every man that we have ever gone out with.

MONICA: You are not a freak. You're a guy.

RACHEL: She's right. She's right. You are no different than the rest of them.

MONICA: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Yes he is. You are totally different.

CHANDLER: In a bad way?

MONICA: No, honey, in a wonderful way. You know what you want now. Most guys don't even have a clue. You are ready to take risks, you are ready to be vulnerable, and intimate with someone.

RACHEL: Yeah. You're not gonna end up alone.

PHOEBE: Chandler, you called Janice! That's how much you wanted to be with someone!

MONICA: You made it!

PHOEBE: You're there!

RACHEL: You are ready to make a commitment!

CHANDLER: Whoa! Don't know about that.

RACHEL: What you got there? Something else that's not yours that you can break?

MONICA: No. Um, I know you like this, and I want you to have it. I think it'll look good in our apartment.

RACHEL: Thank you.

MONICA: That's fine.

CHANDLER: Hey. Well, you will all be pleased to know that I have a date tomorrow night. This woman, Alison, from work. She's great. She's pretty, she's smart. And uh, I've been holding off on asking her out in the past, because she has an unusually large head. But, I'm not gonna let that stuff hang me up anymore. Look at me. I'm growing.

JOEY: Hey, uh, you can't recycle yearbooks, can you?

CHANDLER: I'll take that.

JOEY: You want his yearbook?

CHANDLER: Yeah, yeah. Some people said some nice things about him. I think somebody should have it.

MONICA: Oh, gosh, this is so weird. I mean, his whole life was in this apartment, and now it's gone. You know, I think it would be nice if we just took a few moments, for Mr. Heckles. I mean, he was kind of a pain, he was, but, he was a person. You're all going to hell.

RACHEL: It's really not that big!

CHANDLER: Takin' that with you, huh?

JOEY: Oh, yeah.

ROSS: You comin'?

CHANDLER: Yeah, jus' second. Good-bye Mr. Heckles. We'll try to keep it down.

ALISON: Oh, my major was totally useless. I mean, how often do you look in the classifieds and see "Philosopher wanted"?

CHANDLER: Sure. (My god, that's a big head! It didn't look this big in the office. Maybe it's the lighting. My head must look like a golf ball at work. All right, don't get hung up on it, quick, quick, list five things you like about her: Nice smile, good dresser...Big head, big head, big head!)

END

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The One With Phoebe's Husband

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Originally written by Alexa Junge
Transcribed by Josh Hodge.

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[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is on the phone.]

RACHEL: Mom, would you relax. That was 10 blocks from here and, the, the woman was walking alone at night, I would never do that. Mom, c'mon, stop worrying. This is a safe street, this is a safe building, there's nothing [a pigeon flies in the window and lands on the table] OH MY GOOOD, oh my God, oh I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. [hangs up] OK, that's fine, you just read the paper, I'm gonna get a pot, it's not for you. [grabs a pot and lid] OK, that's fine, read the Family Circus, enjoy the gentle comedy. [puts pot over the pigeon] Aaahh, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, aaaaahh. [knock at the door] It's open you guys.

[a stranger enters with flowers]

STRANGER: Hi.

RACHEL: Hi, hi can I help you?

STRANGER: Yeah, I'm looking for Phoebe, does she still live here?

RACHEL: Uh, no she doesn't but I can, I can get a message to her.

STRANGER: Great. Uhh, just tell her her husband stopped by. [leaves flowers on bar]

RACHEL: What? [in surprise she forgets she has the pigeon in the pot and lets it get away]

STRANGER: Hey, how, how did you do that?

OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Monica and Rachels apartment. The whole gang is there.]

JOEY: This is unbelievable Phoebs, how can you be married?

PHOEBE: Well, I mean, I'm not married married, ya know, he's just a friend and he's gay and he's just from Canada and he just needed a green card.

MONICA: I can't believe you married Duncan. I mean how could you not tell me? We lived together, we told each other everything.

PHOEBE: I'm sorry Monica but I knew if I told you, you'd get really, like, judgemental and you would not approve.

MONICA: Of course I wouldn't approve, I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay. I mean, what the hell were you thinking?

ROSS: You see, and you thought she'd be judgemental.

PHOEBE: OK, I wasn't in love with him and I was just helping out a friend.

MONICA: Please, when he left town you stayed in your pajamas for a month and I saw you eat a cheeseburger.

ALL: Huuh.

MONICA: Well, didn't you?

PHOEBE: I might have.

MONICA: I can't believe you didn't tell me.

PHOEBE: Oh, c'mon, like you tell me everything.

MONICA: What have I not told you?

PHOEBE: Oh, I don't know. Umm, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace.

RACHEL: What!

MONICA: Wait a minute, who told you? [turns to Chandler who's looking sheepish] You are dead meat.

CHANDLER: I didn't know it was a big secret.

MONICA: Oh it's not big, not at all, you know, kinda the same lines as, say, oh I don't know, having a third nipple.

PHOEBE: You have a third nipple?

CHANDLER: You bitch.

ROSS: Whip it out, whip it out.

CHANDLER: C'mon, there's nothin' to see, it's just a tiny bump, it's totally useless.

RACHEL: Oh as, as opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?

JOEY: I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin.

ROSS: Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?

JOEY: I don't know, you see somethin', you hear a word, I thought that's what it was. Let me see it again.

ALL: Yeah, show it. Show it. The nubbin, the nubbin, the nubbin.

CHANDLER: Joey was in a porno movie.

ALL: Huuh.

CHANDLER: If I'm goin' down, I'm takin' everybody with me.

ROSS: You were in a porno?

JOEY: Ahh, alright, alright, alright, I was young and I just wanted a job, OK. But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people havin' sex on it.

MONICA: That is wild.

ROSS: [to Chandler] So what's it shaped like?

PHOEBE: Yeah, is there a hair on it?

JOEY: What happens if you flick it?

[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Ross, and Julie are sitting on the couch.]

ROSS: So, uh, does it do anything, you know, special?

CHANDLER: Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.

JULIE: You know, in some cultures having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility. You get the best huts and women dance naked around you.

CHANDLER: Huh? Are, uh, any of these cultures, per chance, in the tri-state area?

ROSS: You know, you are so amazing, is there anything you, you don't know?

RACHEL: [to Monica at the counter] Ooh, Julie's so smart, Julie's so special.

MONICA: Look honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now and you're just gonna have to get over it.

RACHEL: Ohh, I'm gonna have to get over it. God, see I didn't know that's I had to do, I just have to get over it.

[Phoebe enters all dressed up]

ALL: Woah.

JOEY: Foxy lady.

JULIE: Where you goin'?

PHOEBE: Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan, he's skating tonight at the Garden, he's in the Capades.

JOEY: The Ice Capades?

CHANDLER: No, no the gravel capades. Yeah, the turns aren't as fast but when Snoopy falls. . . funny.

MONICA: I can't believe you're dressing up for him. I mean, you're just, you're setting yourself up all over again.

PHOEBE: OK, no. For your information I'm going to see him so I can put all those feeling behind me. OK, and the reason I'm dressed like this is because I think it's nice to look nice for your gay husband.

ROSS: [holding cream pitcher] Oh, darnit, we're all out of milk. [holds pitcher in front of Chandler's chest and flips the lid] Hey Chandler, would you fill me up here?

CHANDLER: Oh I see, I see, because of the third nipple thing. Ha ha ha ha. . .

[Scene: Central Perk close to closing. Ross and Julie are still there. Rachel is cleaning tables.]

ROSS: OK sweetie, I'll see you later.

JULIE: See you later Rach.

RACHEL: Bye-bye Julie. [Julie leaves]

[Rachel is still cleaning, Ross is laying on the couch. Ross kicks Rachel in the butt.]

RACHEL: Hey.

ROSS: Hey.

[Ross kicks her again]

RACHEL: Hey, c'mon, cut it out.

ROSS: Hey?

RACHEL: What?

ROSS: Can I ask you somethin'?

RACHEL: Sure.

ROSS: Naa.

RACHEL: What? C'mon, talk to me.

ROSS: OK, what's the longest you've been in the relationship before ha, have, having the sex?

RACHEL: Why? Who's not having. . . Are you and Julie not, are, are you and, are you and Julie not having sex?

ROSS: Technically, huh, no.

RACHEL: Wow. Is it, is it 'cause she's so cold in bed. Or, or is it 'cause she's like, kinda bossy, makes it feel like school?

ROSS: No, no, she's great and it's not like we haven't done anything. I mean, uh, uh, we, we do plenty of other stuff, lot's of other stuff, like uhh. . .

RACHEL: No, no no no, don't need to know the details.

ROSS: It's just, it's, it's me. You, you know I've only been with one woman my whole life and she turned out to be a lesbian. So now I've got myself all psyched out, you know, and it's become, like this, this thing and I. . . Well, you just must think I'm weird.

RACHEL: No, no, no, no I don't think it's weird, I think, I think umm, in fact, in fact you know what I think?

ROSS: What?

RACHEL: I think it's sexy.

ROSS: Sexy?

RACHEL: Let me tell you something. As a woman there is nothing sexier than a man who does not want to have sex.

ROSS: No kidding?

RACHEL: Oh yeah. In fact you know what I'd do?

ROSS: What?

RACHEL: I'd wait.

ROSS: You'd wait?

RACHEL: Yes, absolutely. I would wait and wait. . . then I'd wait some more.

ROSS: Really?

RACHEL: Oh yeah, I don't care how much she tells you she wants it, I don't care if begs, she pleads, she tells you she, she's gonna have sex with, with another man. That just means it's working.

ROSS: Women really want this?

RACHEL: More than jewelry. [Rachel struts off, extremely pleased with herself]

[Scene: Madison Square Garden. Duncan's dressing room.]

PHOEBE: Hi.

DUNCAN: Phoebe!

PHOEBE: Ta-da.

DUNCAN: Hey.

PHOEBE: Hi.

DUNCAN: Ahh, look at you, you look great.

PHOEBE: Do I? Thank you, so do you.

DUNCAN: Thanks.

PHOEBE: Sparkly. So, wow, this is pretty wonerful, huh. Mr. major capades guy. I, I remember when you were just, like, King Friday in Mr. Roger's Ice is Nice.

DUNCAN: You always said I'd make it.

PHOEBE: Yeah, well, ya know, I'm kind of spooky that way. Wooo.

DUNCAN: I missed you. [they hug] I'm gonna get changed.

PHOEBE: OK.

DUNCAN: Um, now. Phoebs.

PHOEBE: Oh, right, OK. Ole.

DUNCAN: What?

PHOEBE: Um, the matador. [Duncan leaves] Ole, ha ha ha.

[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross and Julie are setting the table.]

ROSS: Julie, can you hold this for a second, thanks. [hands her a bowl and kisses her]

[Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel enter. Ross and Julie don't notice.]

CHANDLER: Uh, Julie.

JULIE: Yeah?

CHANDLER: Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face. But, uh, it's gone now, you're alright.

ROSS: Hi everyone.

ALL: Hi.

ROSS: [pulls Rachel aside] I just, I wanted to thank you for our uh, our little talk before.

RACHEL: Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the uh, waiting thing?

ROSS: Well, I was going to, but after I talked to you, I talked to Joey.

RACHEL: What did, what did he say?

ROSS: Basically he told me to get over myself and just do it, ya know. So I though about what you said and I though about what he said and, well, his way I get to have sex tonight so. . .

[Scene: Ross's apartment. After dinner. Chandler enters.]

CHANDLER: What's this in my pocket? Why it's Joey's porno movie.

ROSS: Pop it in.

JOEY: I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're OK watching a video filled with two nippled people. [Chandler puts the tape in]

RACHEL: Great, people having sex, that's just what I need to see.

ROSS: What's wrong with people having sex?

RACHEL: Well, well um, you know, these movies are offensive and uh, degrading to women and females. And uh, and the lighting's always unflattering. And, Monica help me out here.

MONICA: Hell, I wanna see Joey.

[video starts with the cheesy porn disco music]

JULIE: So is there like a story or do they just stard doing it right. . . oh, never mind.

CHANDLER: OK, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.

MONICA: All I say is, she better get the job.

ROSS: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.

JOEY: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do. . . so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, [Joey from TV] you know that's bad fo r the paper tray.

CHANDLER: Nice work my friend.

JOEY: Thank you. Wait wait wait wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blockin' me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I am. . .

[Scene: Madison Square Garden, Duncan's dressing room. Phoebe is fixing her hair and Duncan enters.]

PHOEBE: So um, so what's up, you came to see me yesterday.

DUNCAN: Oh, yeah, um, alright, I kinda need a divorce.

PHOEBE: Ohh. . .K. How come?

DUNCAN: Umm, actually, I'm getting married again.

PHOEBE: What?

DUNCAN: Oh God, I don't know how to tell you this. I'm straight.

PHOEBE: Huuh.

DUNCAN: Yeah, I know, I.

PHOEBE: I, I don't, I don't understand, how can you be straight? I mean, you're, you're so smart and funny and you throw such great Academy Award parties.

DUNCAN: I know, that's what I kept telling myself but you just reach a point where you can't live a lie anymore.

PHOEBE: So how long have you known?

DUNCAN: Well I guess on some level I always knew I was straight. I though I was supposed to be something else, you know, I'm an ice dancer, all my friends are gay, I was just tryin' to fit in.

PHOEBE: And um, and there's actually a, a woman?

DUNCAN: Her name's Debra.

PHOEBE: Oh. Well is she, is she the first that you've been with?

DUNCAN: Well, I've never told you this but, there were one or two times, back in college, when I'd get really drunk, go to a straight bar and wake up with a woman next to me. But I, I, I told myself it was the liquor and e-everyone experiments in college.

PHOEBE: Sure.

DUNCAN: But now I know I don't have a choice about this, I was born this way.

PHOEBE: I, I don't know what to say. I mean, you know, you're married to someone for six years and you think you know him and then one day says, 'Oh, I'm not gay.'

DUNCAN: I'm, I'm still me.

PHOEBE: Why couldn't you have just figured this out six years ago?

[Scene: Ross's apartment. Everyone is sitting around. Monica enters from bathroom.]

MONICA: You know, it still smells like monkey in there.

JULIE: That saves us a conversation.

CHANDLER: Well, listen, this has been great but I'm officially wiped.

JOEY: Me too, we should get goin'.

RACHEL: No, no, I mean, no, c'mon you guys, I mean, c'mon look it's only eleven thirty. Let's just talk, we never just hang out and talk anymore.

MONICA: Rachel, that's all we do.

RACHEL: Maybe that's all we do, what about Julie?

JULIE: What about Julie?

RACHEL: Well, you have been in our lives for nearly two months now and we don't really know you. I mean, who is Julie? I mean, what do you like, what don't you like? We wanna hear everything.

JULIE: Well, that could take a while.

RACHEL: So. I mean, who here does not have the time to get to know Julie?

CHANDLER: I got the time to get to know Julie.

JOEY: I got time.

MONICA: Rach, I know her pretty well, can I go? [Rachel gives her a look from hell] That's fine.

RACHEL: OK Julie, so now let's start with your childhood, what was that like?

JULIE: Well, in a nutshell. . .

RACHEL: Nah, uh, uh, uh, uh.

[Scene: Madison Square Garden, Duncan's dressing room. Phoebe is signing the divorce papers.]

PHOEBE: So, um, have you told your parents?

DUNCAN: No, but it'll be OK, they're pretty cool, my brother's straight so. . .

PHOEBE: [handing him the papers] Here you go. You know what, I just have one more question, um, if you had figured this out sooner and um, I had been around, do you think that I would have been the one who. . . no, um, I'm sorry, don't tell me, I don't th ink either answer would make me feel better.

DUNCAN: I love you Phoebe. [they hug and kiss]

PHOEBE: So your brother's straigh huh? Seriously.

[Scene: Ross's apartment. Julie is telling her live story.]

JULIE: And my second grade teacher was Ms. Thomas, and my first grade teacher was Mrs. Cobb.

RAHCEL: Mrs., Mrs. Gobb?

JULIE: No Cobb, as in cobb salad.

RACHEL: Now, what exactly is in a cobb salad?

CHANDLER: I'm goin' home.

RACHEL: What?

[Outside in the hallway, Chandler, Joey, and Monica exit]

JOEY: Boy that Julie's a talker, huh?

ROSS: Goodnight.

RACHEL: So, it's pretty late, you're probably uh, not still planning on. . .

ROSS: Oh, no no, I am.

RACHEL: Oh, well, are hey, are you nervous?

ROSS: Um, no, I uh, I have done it before.

RACHEL: Uh, OK, I mean uh, what, how are you gonna handle it. I mean, are, are ya gonna, are ya gonna talk about it before hand, are you just gonna pounce?

ROSS: I uh, I don't know, I guess I'm just gonna see, see what happens.

RAHCEL: OK, gook luck.

ROSS: Wha, uhh, what?

RACHEL: Nothing, I mean, um, it is your first time with her and, you know if the first time doesn't go well, well then that's, that's pretty darn hard to recover from.

ROSS: OK, now I'm nervous.

RACHEL: Maybe you should put it off.

ROSS: No, no, I don't wanna put it off, I just, God I just, I spent last year being so unbelievably miserable, ya know, and now, now I'm actually happy. You know, I mean, really happy. I just, I just don't wanna, I don't wanna mess it up, ya know.

RACHEL: I know, yeah, sorry.

ROSS: What, it's not your fault.

RACHEL: Maybe it, maybe it doesn't have to be this tough. I mean, maybe you were on the right track with this whole, you know, spontaneous thing. I mean, women really like that.

ROSS: Really?

RACHEL: Yeah, I mean, you know it, I mean, if it were me I, I, you know, I'd want you to, I don't know, like catch me off guard, you know, with like a really good kiss, you know really, sort of um, soft at first, then maybe um brush the hair away from my face, and look far into my eyes in a way that let's me know that something amazing is about to happen.

ROSS: [being drawn in by her talk] Uh-huh.

RACHEL: And then, I don't know, I mean you'd pull me really close to you so that, so that I'd be pressed up, you know, right against you. And, um, it would get kind of sweaty and uh, and blurry, and then it's just happening.

ROSS: Ohh. . . Thanks Rach, goodnight. [goes back in apartment]

RACHEL: Ohh, God.

CLOSING CREDITS

[Scene: The next morning on the street. Ross is dancing along, Singing in the Rain is playing. Two old ladies are sitting on a bench.]

ROSS: Good morning.

OLD WOMAN: Well, somebody got some last night.

ROSS: Twice.

END

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이 중에서 몇 개만 확실히 외우면 성공입니다. 욕심을 버려야 합니다. 다 얻으려면 다 잃습니다. 자신에게 와닿는 표현들 몇 개만을 집중적으로 물고 늘어지시기 바랍니다. 선택과 집중! 자신에게 와닿는 표현이란? 자신과 궁합이 맞는 표현입니다. 결국 모든 영어를 다 할 수도 없고, 그럴 필요도 없는 겁니다. 자신과 잘 맞는 것만 선택해서 집중적으로 외우시기 바랍니다. 
 
자신과 궁합이 맞지 않는 표현들은 외워봐야 결국 못 써먹습니다. 입에서 나오지 않습니다. 결국 누구나 자신만의 영어를 할 수 밖에 없는 겁니다. 포기할 것은 빨리 포기하고 얻을 수 있는 것만 얻는 것! 이게 겸손한 방법이요, 산전수전 다 겪은 고수들의 방법입니다. 고수들은 자신의 한계를 분명히 아는 사람입니다. 자신의 한계를 벗어나지 않습니다. 그래서 고수들은 분명한 색깔을 가지고 있습니다. 색깔이 없는 사람은 아직 고수가 아닙니다. 아무 영어나 다 외우려고 하는 사람은 아직 아마추어 입니다.




The One With Five Steaks and an Eggplant

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Originally written by Chris Brown
Transcribed by Mindy Mattingly Phillips [mmatting@indiana.edu]
Minor additions and adjustments by Dan Silverstein.

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[Scene: At Chandler and Joey's. Ross and Chandler are there. Ross is watching wrestling.]

ROSS: Man, I sure miss Julie.

CHANDLER: Spanish midgets. Spanish midgets wrestling. Julie. Ok, yes, I see how you got there. (phone rings)

ROSS: You ever figure out what that thing's for?

CHANDLER: No, see, I'm trying this new screening thing. You know, I figure if I'm always answering the phone, people'll think I don't have a life. My god, Rodrigo never gets pinned.

(MACHINE--JOEY'S VOICE): Here comes the beep, you know what to do.

JADE: Hello, I'm looking for Bob. This is Jane. I don't know if you're still at this number, but I was just thinking about us, and how great it was, and, well, I know it's been three years, but, I was kinda hoping we could hook up again. I barely had t he nerve to make this call, so you know what I did?

CHANDLER: What?

JADE: I got a little drunk...and naked.

CHANDLER: Bob here.

CHANDLER: (on phone) What've you been up to?

JADE: Oh, you know, the usual, teaching aerobics, partying way too much. Oh, and in case you were wondering, those are my legs on the new James Bond poster.

CHANDLER: Can you hold on a moment? I have another call. (to Ross) I love her.

ROSS: I know.

CHANDLER: I'm back.

JADE: So, are we gonna get together or what?

CHANDLER: Um, absolutely. Uh, how 'bout tomorrow afternoon? Do you know uh, Central Perk in the Village, say, five-ish?

JADE: Great, I'll see you then.

CHANDLER: Ok. Ok. Having a phone has finally paid off.

ROSS: Even though you do do a good Bob impression, I'm thinkin' when she sees you tomorow, she's probably gonna realize, "hey, you're not Bob."

CHANDLER: I'm hoping that when Bob doesn't show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table.

ROSS: Oh my god. You are pure evil.

CHANDLER: Ok, pure evil, horny and alone. I've done this.

(At Monica and Rachel's)

ROSS: (on phone) Yeah, yeah, everybody's here. Hey, everybody, say hi to Julie in New Mexico.

ALL: Hi, Julie!

RACHEL: (sarcastically) Hi, Julie.

CHANDLER: Ok, while Ross is on the phone, everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday.

PHOEBE: Um, is, is there any chance that you're rounding up? You know, like from, like 20?

CHANDLER: Hey, come on, we got the gift, the concert, and the cake.

JOEY: Do we need a cake?

CHANDLER: Look guys, I know it's a little steep.

RACHEL: Yeah, whoosh!

CHANDLER: But it's Ross.

PHOEBE: It's Ross.

JOEY: All right.

CHANDLER: I'll see you guys later, I gotta go...do a thing.

ROSS: Ok, sweetheart, I'll call you later tonight. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, you're not really gonna go through with this, are you?

CHANDLER: You know, I think I might just.

RACHEL: So uh, what are you guys doing for dinner tonight?

JOEY: Well I guess I gotta start savin' up for Ross's birthday, so I guess I'll just stay home and eat dust bunnies.

PHOEBE: Can you believe how much this is gonna cost?

RACHEL: Do you guys ever get the feeling that um, Chandler and those guys just don't get that we don't make as much money as they do?

JOEY: Yes! Yeah, it's like they're always saying "let's go here, let's go there". Like we can afford to go here and there.

PHOEBE: Yes, yes, and it's, and we always have to go to, you know, someplace nice, you know? God, and it's not like we can say anything about it, 'cause, like this birthday thing, it's for Ross.

JOEY: For Ross.

RACHEL: For Ross, Ross, Ross.

MONICA: (enters) Oh my god.

RACHEL: Hey.

JOEY: Hi.

RACHEL: What?

MONICA: I'm at work, ordinary day, you know, chop chop chop, sauti, sauti, sauti. All of a sudden, Leon, the manager, calls me into his office. It turns out they fired the head lunch chef, and guess who got the job.

JOEY: If it's not you, this is a horrible story.

MONICA: Fortunately, it is me. And, they made me head of purchasing, thank you very much. Anyway, I just ran into Ross and Chandler downstairs, and they think we should go out and celebrate. You know, someplace nice.

JOEY: Yeah, someplace nice. (to Phoebe and Rachel) How much do you think I can get for my kidney? (at Central Perk)

ROSS: I'm tellin' you. You can't do this.

CHANDLER: Oh, come on. I can never get a girl like that with conventional methods.

ROSS: That doesn't matter. She wanted to call Bob. Hey, for all we know, Bob is who she was meant to be with. You may be destroying two people's chance for happiness.

CHANDLER: We don't know Bob, ok? We know me. We like me. Please let me be happy.

ROSS: Go over there and tell that woman the truth.

CHANDLER: All right.

ROSS: Go.

CHANDLER: Hi.

JADE: Hi.

CHANDLER: Listen, I have to, uh, um, I have to, I have to confess something.

JADE: Yes?

CHANDLER: Whoever stood you up is a jerk.

JADE: How did you--?

CHANDLER: I don't know. I just had this weird sense. You know, but that's me. I'm weird and sensitive. Tissue?

JADE: Thanks.

CHANDLER: No, you keep the pack. I'm all cried out today.

(At Somplace Nice)

ROSS: Ok, ok, here is to my sister, the newly-appointed head lunch chef--

MONICA: Who is also in charge of purchasing.

ROSS: Newly appointed head lunch chef who is also in charge of purchasing--

MONICA: Who has her own little desk when Roland's not there.

ROSS: Uh, lunch chef, purchasing, own little desk when Roland's not there. Here's to my little sister--

MONICA: Oh, wait, and I got a beeper!

JOEY: Cool.

PHOEBE: Let's see!

ROSS: That's fine, I'll just wait!

MONICA: Oh, sorry.

JOEY: Sorry, sorry.

ROSS: Monica!

(glasses clinking)

WAITER: Are we ready to order?

RACHEL: Oh, you know what, we haven't even looked yet.

WAITER: Well, when you do, just let me know. I'll be right over there on the edge of my seat.

PHOEBE: Wow, look at these prices.

RACHEL: Yeah, these are pretty ch-ching.

JOEY: What are these, like famous chickens?

CHANDLER: Hey, sorry I'm late. Congratulations, Mon. (to Ross) I'm not sorry I'm late. How incredible was my afternoon with Jade?

ROSS: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?

CHANDLER: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my number is Bob's number.

ROSS: Hey, tell me again, what do I do when Mr. Roper calls?

WAITER: Do I dare ask?

MONICA: Yes, I will start with the carpaccio, and then I'll have the grilled prawns.

ROSS: That sounds great. Same for me.

WAITER: And for the gentleman?

JOEY: Yeah, I'll have the Thai chicken pizza. But, hey, look, if I get it without the nuts and leeks and stuff, is it cheaper?

WAITER: You'd think, wouldn't you? Miss?

RACHEL: Ok, I will have the uh, (whispers) side salad.

WAITER: (whispers) And what will that be on the side of?

RACHEL: Uh, I don't know. Why don't you put it right here next to my water?

WAITER: And for you?

PHOEBE: Um, I'm gonna have a cup of the cucumber soup, and, um, take care.

CHANDLER: I will have the uh, Cajun catfish.

WAITER: Anything else?

CHANDLER: Yes, how 'bout a verse of Killing Me Softly. You're gonna sneeze on my fish, aren't you?

ROSS: (using calculator) Plus tip, divided by six. Ok, everyone owes 28 bucks.

RACHEL: Um, everyone?

ROSS: Oh, you're right, I'm sorry.

JOEY: Thank you.

ROSS: Monica's big night, she shouldn't pay.

MONICA: Oh, thank you!

ROSS: So five of us is, $33.50 apiece.

PHOEBE: No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen.

CHANDLER: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.

PHOEBE: I'm sorry, Monica, I'm really happy you got promoted, but cold cucumber mush for thirty-something bucks? No! Rachel just had that, that, that salad, and, and Joey with his like teeny pizza! It's just...

ROSS: Ok, Pheebs! How 'bout we'll each just pay for what we had. It's no big deal.

PHOEBE: Not for you.

MONICA: All right, what's goin' on?

RACHEL: Ok, look you guys, I really don't want to get into this right now. I think it'll just make everyone uncomfortable.

PHOEBE: Fine. All right, fine.

JOEY: Yeah.

CHANDLER: You can tell us.

ROSS: Hello, it's us, all right? It'll be fine.

JOEY: Ok, um, uh, we three feel like, that uh, sometimes you guys don't get that uh, we don't have as much money as you.

MONICA: Ok.

ROSS: I hear ya.

CHANDLER: We can talk about that.

PHOEBE: Well, then...Let's.

ROSS: I, I just never think of money as an issue.

RACHEL: That's 'cause you have it.

ROSS: That's a good point.

CHANDLER: So um, how come you guys haven't talked about this before?

JOEY: 'Cause it's always somethin', you know, like Monica's new job, or the whole Ross's birthday hoopla.

ROSS: Wha--? Whoa, hey, I don't want my birthday to be the source of any kind of negative--there's gonna be a hoopla?

RACHEL: Basically, there's the thing, and then there's the stuff after the thing.

MONICA: If it makes anybody feel better, then we can just forget the thing, and we'll just do the gift.

ROSS: G-gift? The thing's not the gift?

CHANDLER: No, the thing was, we were gonna go see Hootie and the Blowfish.

ROSS: Hootie and the--oh my. I, I can catch them on the radio.

PHOEBE: No, now I feel bad. You wanna go to the concert.

ROSS: No, look, hey, it's my birthday, and the important thing is that we all be together.

MONICA: All of us.

CHANDLER: Together.

ROSS: Not at the concert.

RACHEL: Ok.

JOEY: Yeah.

RACHEL: Thank you.

JOEY: Thanks.

PHOEBE: Yeah.

CHANDLER: So, the ebola virus. That's gotta suck, huh?

(at Monica and Rachel's)

CHANDLER: Gee, Monica, what's in the bag?

MONICA: I don't know, Chandler. Let's take a look.

PHOEBE: Oh, it's like a skit.

MONICA: Why, it's dinner for six. 5 steaks, and an eggplant for Phoebe.

ROSS: Whoo!

PHOEBE: Cool.

MONICA: Yeah, we switched meat suppliers at work, and the new guys gave me the steaks as sort of a thank-you.

ROSS: But wait, there's more. Hey, Chandler, what is in the envelope?

CHANDLER: By the way, this didn't seem so dorky in the hall.

ROSS: Come on.

CHANDLER: Why, it's six tickets to Hootie and the Blowfish! The Blowfish!

MONICA: It's on us, all right, so don't worry. It's our treat.

PHOEBE: So...Thank you.

ROSS: Could you be less enthused?

JOEY: Look, it's a nice gesture, it is. But it just feels like--

MONICA: Like?

JOEY: Charity.

MONICA: Charity?

ROSS: We're just tryin' to do a nice thing here.

RACHEL: Ross, you have to understand that your nice thing makes us feel this big.

PHOEBE: Actually, it makes us feel that big.

ROSS: I don't, I don't understand. I mean, you, it's like we can't win with you guys.

CHANDLER: If you guys feel this big, maybe that's not our fault. Maybe that's just how you feel.

JOEY: Oh, now you're tellin' us how you feel.

RACHEL: Ok, we never shoulda talked about this.

PHOEBE: I'm just gonna pass on the concert, 'cause I'm just not in a very Hootie place right now.

RACHEL: Me neither.

JOEY: Me too.

MONICA: Guys, we bought the tickets.

PHOEBE: Oh, well, then you'll have extra seats, you know, for all your tiaras and stuff.

CHANDLER: Why did you look at me when you said that?

MONICA: Well, I guess now we can't go.

RACHEL: What? Come on, you do what you want to do. Do we always have to do everything together?

MONICA: You know what? You're right.

PHOEBE: Fine.

ROSS: Fine.

JOEY: Fine.

CHANDLER: Fine.

RACHEL: Fine.

MONICA: All right. We're gonna go. It's not for another six hours. We're gonna go then.

ROSS: Chandler!

CHANDLER: Yeah?

ROSS: Geez! Are you ready?

CHANDLER: Yeah. Just let me grab my jacket and tell you I had sex today.

ROSS: Whoa! You had sex today?

CHANDLER: Wow, it sounds even cooler when somebody else says it. I was awesome, ok? She was biting her lip to stop from screaming.

ROSS: Wow.

CHANDLER: Now I know it's been awhile, but I took it as a good sign.

(phone rings)

ROSS: Still doing the screening thing?

CHANDLER: I had sex today. I never have to answer that phone again.

MACHINE: Here comes the beep, you know what to do.

JADE: Hey, Bob, it's Jade. Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I was really hurt when you didn't show up the other day, and just so you know, I ended up meeting a guy.

CHANDLER: Bob here.

JADE: Oh, hi.

CHANDLER: So, uh, you met someone, huh?

JADE: Yes, yes, I did. In fact, I had sex with him 2 hours ago.

CHANDLER: So, uh, how was he?

JADE: Eh.

CHANDLER: Eh?

JADE: Oh, Bob, he was nothing compared to you. I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming your name.

CHANDLER: Well, that makes me feel so good.

JADE: It was just so awkward and bumpy.

ROSS: (silently mouthing) Bumpy?

CHANDLER: Well, maybe he had some kind of uh, new, cool style, that you're not familiar with. And uh maybe you have to get used to it.

JADE: Well there really wasn't much time to get used to it, you know what I mean?

(at the concert)

MONICA: You know what? I'm not gonna be able to enjoy this.

ROSS: Yeah, I know, it's my birthday. We all should be here.

CHANDLER: So, let's go.

ROSS: Well maybe, you know, maybe we should stay for one song.

CHANDLER: Yeah, I mean, it would be rude to them for us to leave now.

MONICA: You know, the guys are probably having a great time.

(at Monica and Rachel's)

JOEY: Come on you guys, one more time.

PHOEBE: Ok. One.

JOEY: Nooo.

MONICA: That was amazing!

ROSS: Excellent, that was excellent.

CHANDLER: I can't believe the guys missed this.

ROSS: What guys? Oh, yeah.

STEVE: Excuse me, you're Monica Geller aren't you?

MONICA: Do I know you?

STEVE: You used to be my babysitter.

MONICA: Oh my god, little Stevie Fisher? How've you been?

STEVE: Good, good, I'm a lawyer now.

MONICA: You can't be a lawyer. You're eight.

STEVE: Listen, it was nice to see you. I gotta run backstage.

MONICA: Uh, wait, backstage?

STEVE: Oh, yeah, my firm represents the band.

ROSS: Ross.

CHANDLER: Chandler.

STEVE: How are you? Look, you guys wanna meet the group? Come on. So, are you one of the ones who fooled around with my dad?

(at Central Perk)

ROSS: Hey, you guys.

RACHEL: Happy birthday.

ROSS: Oh, thank you, thanks. So uh, how was your night last night?

RACHEL: Oh, well, it pretty much sucked. How was yours?

MONICA: Yeah, ours pretty much sucked, oh, but, I did run into little Stevie Fisher. Remember him?

RACHEL: Oh yeah. I used to babysit him. Hey, how's his dad?

MONICA: Uh, good.

ROSS: Uh, aside from that, the whole evening was pretty much a bust.

CHANDLER: Yeah, we really missed you guys.

JOEY: Yeah, look, we were just saying, this whole thing is really stupid.

PHOEBE: We just have to really, really, really, not let stuff like money get--is that a hickey?

MONICA: No, I just, I fell down.

RACHEL: On someone's lips? Where'd you get the hickey?

MONICA: You know, a party, or--

RACHEL: What party?

ROSS: It wasn't so much a party as...a gathering of people, with food, and music, and, and the band.

JOEY: You partied with Hootie and the Blowfish?

CHANDLER: Yes, apparently Stevie and the band are like this.

RACHEL: Who gave you that hickey?

MONICA: That would be the work of a Blowfish.

RACHEL: Oh!

PHOEBE: Oh! I can't believe it. I can't believe this. We're just like, sitting at home, trying to guess Joey's fingers, and you guys are out like partying and having fun, and you know, all, "hey, Blowfish, suck on my neck".

ROSS: Look, don't blame us. You guys coulda been there, you know.

RACHEL: What, as part of your poor friends outreach program?

(Monica's pager goes off)

MONICA: It's work.

CHANDLER: I don't know what to say. I'm sorry that we make more money than you. But we're not gonna feel guilty about it. We work really hard for it.

JOEY: And we don't work hard?

MONICA: (on phone) Yeah, hi, it's Monica. I just got a page.

CHANDLER: I'm just saying that sometimes we like to do stuff that costs a little more.

JOEY: And you feel like we hold you back.

CHANDLER: Yes.

RACHEL: Oh!

CHANDLER: No.

MONICA: Leon, Leon. Shhh! Guys. Wait, I don't understand. Those steaks were just a gift from the meat vendor. That was not a kick back. I'll just replace them and we can forget the whole thing. What corporate policy? No. Yeah. All right. I just got fired.

PHOEBE: Oh.

(Everyone goes over to comfort Monica)

WAITRESS: Here's your check. That'll be $4.12.

JOEY: Let me get that. (to Chandler) You got five bucks?

MACHINE: Here comes the beep, you know what to do.

JADE: Hi, it's me. Listen, Bob. I'm probably way out of line here. I mean, It has been 3 years, and you're probably seeing someone else now, but if we could just have one night together, just for old time's sake, one hot, steamy, wild night...

(Joey lunges for phone and misses.)

END

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이 중에서 몇 개만 확실히 외우면 성공입니다. 욕심을 버려야 합니다. 다 얻으려면 다 잃습니다. 자신에게 와닿는 표현들 몇 개만을 집중적으로 물고 늘어지시기 바랍니다. 선택과 집중! 자신에게 와닿는 표현이란? 자신과 궁합이 맞는 표현입니다. 결국 모든 영어를 다 할 수도 없고, 그럴 필요도 없는 겁니다. 자신과 잘 맞는 것만 선택해서 집중적으로 외우시기 바랍니다. 
 
자신과 궁합이 맞지 않는 표현들은 외워봐야 결국 못 써먹습니다. 입에서 나오지 않습니다. 결국 누구나 자신만의 영어를 할 수 밖에 없는 겁니다. 포기할 것은 빨리 포기하고 얻을 수 있는 것만 얻는 것! 이게 겸손한 방법이요, 산전수전 다 겪은 고수들의 방법입니다. 고수들은 자신의 한계를 분명히 아는 사람입니다. 자신의 한계를 벗어나지 않습니다. 그래서 고수들은 분명한 색깔을 가지고 있습니다. 색깔이 없는 사람은 아직 고수가 아닙니다. 아무 영어나 다 외우려고 하는 사람은 아직 아마추어 입니다.




The One With the Baby on the Bus

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Originally written by Betsy Borns
Transcribed by Mindy Mattingly Phillips [mmatting@indiana.edu]
Minor additions and adjustments by Dan Silverstein.

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[Scene: At Monica and Rachel's.]

MONICA: Who da wenny-Benny boy? You the Wenny-wenny-Benny-Benny boy, yes. Don't cry. Don't cry. Why is he still crying?

ROSS: Let me hold him for a sec. There. (Ben stops crying) Huh? There we are.

MONICA: Maye it's me.

ROSS: Don't be silly. Ben loves you. He's just being Mr. Crankypants.

CHANDLER: You know, I once dated a Miss Crankypants. Lovely girl, kinda moody.

ROSS: There we go. All better. (gives Ben back to Monica)

MONICA: There's my little boy. (Ben starts crying again)

CHANDLER: Can I uh see something? (Takes Ben. When he puts him close to Monica, Ben cries. When he moves Ben away, he stops crying.)

JOEY: Cool.

MONICA: He hates me. My nephew hates me.

ROSS: Come on, don't do this.

MONICA: What if my own baby hates me? Huh? What am I gonna do then?

CHANDLER: Monica, will you stop? This is nuts. Do you know how long it's gonna be before you actually have to deal with this problem? I mean, you don't even have a boyfriend yet. Joey, she does not look fat.

(Chandler has a basketball which he is moving closer to, then away from, Monica)

JOEY: Goo, goo, goo, waaah!

MONICA: That is so funny. Let me see that. (throws the ball out the window)

JOEY: Are you ok, Ross?

ROSS: I don't know. What's in this pie?

MONICA: Uh, I don't know, butter, eggs, flour, lime, kiwi--

ROSS: Kiwi? Kiwi? I thought it was a key lime pie.

MONICA: No I didn't, I said kiwi lime. That's what makes it so special.

ROSS: And that's what's gonna kill me. I'm allergic to kiwi.

MONICA: No you're not. You're, you're allergic to lobster and peanuts and--oh my god.

ROSS: Ugh.

MONICA: Oh my god.

ROSS: Ugh. It's definitely getting worse.

MONICA: Is your tongue swelling up?

ROSS: Either that or my mouth is getting smaller.

MONICA: All right, get your coat, we're going to the hospital.

JOEY: Is he gonna be ok?

MONICA: Yeah, he's just gotta get a shot.

ROSS: You know, you know, actually it's getting better. It is. It is. Let's not go. Anyone for Thcrabble?

MONICA: Jacket now.

ROSS: What about Ben? We can't bring a baby to a hospital.

CHANDLER: We'll watch him.

ROSS: I don't think tho.

JOEY: What? I have seven Catholic sisters. I've taken care of hundreds of kids. Come on, we wanna do it, don't we?

CHANDLER: I was looking forward to playing basketball, but I guess that's out the window.

ROSS: Ok, well, if you do take him out for his walk, you might wanna bring his hat, and there's extra milk in the fridge, and there's extra diapers in the bag.

JOEY: Hat, milk, got it.

ROSS: ??? (speech garbled) Thro up a thro thro--a thro thro!

JOEY: Consider it done.

CHANDLER: You understood that?

JOEY: Yeah, my uncle Sal has a really big tongue.

CHANDLER: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?

(Central Perk)

PHOEBE: Hey Rach, wanna hear the new song I'm thinkin' of singing this afternoon? I wrote it this morning in the shower.

RACHEL: Ok.

PHOEBE: (singing) I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song. Stop me if you've heard it. My skin is soapy, and my hair is wet, and Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget.

TERRY: Uh, Rachel, sweetheart, could I see ya for a minute?

RACHEL: What's up?

TERRY: F.Y.I.. I've decided to pay a professional musician to play in here on Sunday afternoons. Her name is Stephanie... something. She's supposed to be very good.

RACHEL: But what about Phoebe?

TERRY: Rachel, it's not that your friend is bad, it's that she's so bad, she makes me want to put my finger through my eye into my brain and swirl it around.

RACHEL: Ok, ok, so you're not a fan, but I mean, come on, you cannot do this to her.

TERRY: Uh--

RACHEL: Oh, no no no no. Oh no no no no. I have to do this to her?

PHOEBE: (singing) Lather, rinse, repeat, and lather, rinse, repeat, and lather, rinse, repeat, as needed.

(Chandler and Joey are loaded down with baby stuff, and Ben)

CHANDLER: You know, I don't think we brought enough stuff. Did you forget to pack the baby's anvil?

JOEY: It's gonna be worth it. It's a known fact that women love babies, all righ? Women love guys who love babies. It's that whole sensitive thing. Quick, aim him at that pack o' babes over there. Maybe one of them will break away. No, no wait, for get them, we got one, hard left. All right, gimme the baby.

CHANDLER: No, I got him.

JOEY: No, seriously.

CHANDLER: Oh, seriously you want him?

CAROLINE: Hello.

BOYS: Hello.

CAROLINE: And who is this little cutie pie?

CHANDLER: Well, don't, don't think me immodest, but, me?

JOEY: You wanna smell him?

CAROLINE: I assume we're talking about the baby now.

JOEY: Oh, yeah. He's got that great baby smell. Get a whiff of his head.

CAROLINE: I think my uterus just skipped a beat.

JOEY: (to Chandler) What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?

CAROLINE: I think it's great you guys are doing this.

CHANDLER: Well, we are great guys.

CAROLINE: You know, my brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt for three years. What agency did you two go through?

(Central Perk)

PHOEBE: But, but this is my gig. This is where I play. My, my name is written out there in chalk. You know, you can't just erase chalk.

RACHEL: Honey, I'm sorry.

PHOEBE: And he's going to be paying this woman? Why doesn't he just give her like a throne, and a crown, and like a, you know, gold stick with a ball on top.

RACHEL: Terry is a jerk, ok? That's why we're always saying "Terry's a jerk!" That's where that came from.

PHOEBE: Yeah, ok. You probably did everything you could.

RACHEL: Ok, you know what, lemme, let me just see what else I can do. All right, look, look. Why don't you just let her go on after Stephanie whatever-her-name-is. I mean, you won't even be here. You don't pay her. It's not gonna cost you anything.

TERRY: I, I don't know.

RACHEL: Come on, Terry, I'll even clean the cappuccino machine.

TERRY: You don't clean the cappuccino machine?

RACHEL: Of course I clean it. I mean, I,I will cleeeean it. I mean, I will cleeeean it.

TERRY: Oh, all right, fine, fine, fine.

RACHEL: Done.

PHOEBE: Really?

RACHEL: Yeah. Who's workin' for you babe?

PHOEBE: Oh! Oh my god. This is so exciting. How much am I gonna get?

RACHEL: What?

PHOEBE: Well you said that he's paying the people who are playing.

RACHEL: Oh, no, no no. I meant that he's gonna be paying that other woman beause she's a professional.

PHOEBE: Well, I'm not gonna be the only one who's not getting paid.

RACHEL: Well, but Pheebs.

PHOEBE: No, huh uh, I'm sorry, no. No, I'm not some like sloppy second, charity band. You know what, there are thousands of places in this city where people would be happy to pay to hear me play. (Out on the sidewalk, singing) When I play, I play for me, I don't need your charity. (Someone puts a coin in her guitar case) Thank you! La la la la la la la....

ROSS: Well, there's no way I'm gonna get a shot. Maybe they can take the needle and thquirt it into my mouth, you know, like a thquirt gun.

DOCTOR: Hello, there. I'm Dr. Carlin. I see someone's having an allergic reaction.

MONICA: Doctor, can I see you for just a minute please? My brother has a slight phobia about needles.

ROSS: Did you tell him about my thquirt gun idea?

MONICA: My brother, the PhD would like to know if there's any way to treat this orally.

DOCTOR: No, under these circumstances it has to be an injection, and it has to be now.

ROSS: Tho?

(Monica shakes her head.)

ROSS: Ohhh.

MONICA: That's good, have a seat. Um, the doctor says it's gotta be a needle. You're just gonna have to be brave, ok? Can you do that for me?

ROSS: Ok.

MONICA: Ok. Oh boy. You are doin' so good. You wanna squeeze my hand? All right, Ross, don't squeeze it so hard. Honey, really, don't squeeze it so hard! Oh, Ross! Let go of my hand!

CHANDLER: That's a good plan, Joe. Next time we wanna pick up women, we should just go to the park and make out. Taxi, taxi!

JOEY: Hey, hey, look at that talent.

CHANDLER: (to taxi driver) Just practicing. You're good. Carry on.

GIRL 1 ON BUS: Hey, you. He's just adorable.

CHANDLER: Ok, but can you tell him that, because he thinks he's too pink.

GIRL 2 ON BUS: So what are you guys out doing today?

JOEY: Oh we're not out. No, no. We're just uh, two heterosexual guys, hanging with the son of our other heterosexual friend, doin' the usual straight guy stuff.

CHANDLER: You done?

JOEY: Yeah.

GIRL 1: Oh, there's our stop.

JOEY: Get outta here. This is our stop too.

GIRL 2: You guys live around here too?

JOEY: Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. We live in the building by the uh sidewalk.

CHANDLER: You know it?

JOEY: Hey, look, since we're neighbors and all, what do you say we uh, get together for a drink?

GIRL 1: So uh, you wanna go to Marquel's?

CHANDLER: Oh, sure, they love us over there.

GIRL 2: Where's your baby?

CHANDLER AND JOEY: (running after bus) Ben! Ben! Ben!

CHANDLER: Oh, that's good. Maybe he'll hear you and pull the cord.

BOTH: Stop the bus! Wait! Wait! Wait!

MONICA: Are you sure he didn't break it because it really hurts.

DOCTOR: No, it's just a good bone bruise. And, right here is the puncture wound from your ring.

ROSS: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Sorry. Sorry! Hey! Hey! I got my s's back! Which we can celebrate later. Celebrate.

PHOEBE: (singing) ... with the double double double-jointed boy. Hey. So um, are you the professional guitar player?

STEPHANIE: Yeah. I'm Stephanie.

PHOEBE: Right. My name was on there, but now it just says "carrot cake". So, um, so um, how many chords do you know?

STEPHANIE: All of them.

PHOEBE: Oh yeah, so you know D?

STEPHANIE: Yeah.

PHOEBE: Ok, do you know A minor?

STEPHANIE: Yeah.

PHOEBE: Ok, do you know how to go from D to A minor?

STEPHANIE: Yeah.

PHOEBE: Ok. Um, so does your guitar have a strap?

STEPHANIE: No.

PHOEBE: Oh. Mine does. (singing) Stephanie knows all the chords. (makes a face)

CHANDLER: (on pay phone) Come on, pick up, pick up! Hello? Transit Authority? Yes, hello. I'm doing research for a book, and I was wondering what someone might do if they left a baby on a city bus. Yes I do realize that would be a very stupid charact er.

JOEY: Hi, here's the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. It's white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller. Oh, and there was a baby in it. He wants to talk to you again.

RACHEL: Ok, everybody, let's give a uh nice warm Central Perk welcome to--

PHOEBE: (singing angrily) Terry's a jerk, and he won't let me work, and I hate Central Perk!

RACHEL: Uh, to Stephanie Schiffer.

STEPHANIE: Thank you. I'd like to start with a song that I wrote for the first man I ever loved. (singing) Zachary.

PHOEBE: (singing/screaming) You're all invited to bite me!

CHANDLER AND JOEY: Hi. We're the guys who called about the baby. We left the baby on ths bus. Is he here? Is he here?

TRANSIT AUTHORITY GUY: He's here. (Chandler and Joey hug each other in relief) I'm assuming one of you is the father.

CHANDLER: That's me.

JOEY: I'm him.

CHANDLER: Actually, uh, we're both the father. (Puts his arm around Joey)

BOTH (but to different babies): Oh, Ben! Hey, buddy!

CHANDLER: Please tell me you know which one is our baby.

JOEY: Well, well that one has ducks on his t-shirt, and this one has clowns. And Ben was definitely wearing ducks.

CHANDLER: Ok.

JOEY: Or clowns. Oh, oh wait. That one's definitely Ben. Remember, he had that cute little mole by his mouth.