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총 12개 주제로 안전(Safety) 관련 기초회화를 모았습니다.
품격있고 깔끔한 회화문입니다. 버릴 말이 하나도 없네요.
이 정도는 여러번 읽어서 몽땅 암기할 정도가 되시기 바랍니다.

회화는 읽고 또 읽고 하여 몸에 익도록 해야 합니다.
수학공부 하듯이 힘들여 한 방에 머리에 담으려 하지 마시고
느긋하게 부담없이 자주 자주 읽어서 몸으로 암기해야 합니다.

제일 좋은 방법은 전체를 하루에 한 번씩 습관적으로 읽는 겁니다.
절대 외우려고 하지 마시고, 몸에 익을 때까지 그냥 계속 읽으시면 됩니다.
이렇게 반복을 통해 몸으로 외운 것은 오래 오래 갑니다.
잘못하면 평생 갑니다.

외울 때는 머리가 아니라 몸으로!!!
말할 때는 머리가 아니라 가슴으로!!!
-------------------

1. Too Much Crime
 
A: Why is there so much crime?
B: Because parents don’t teach their kids right from wrong.
A: Is that it?
B: Also, there aren’t enough police.
A: But there are a lot of police.
B: There’s only one police officer per 100 criminals.
A: Can’t we hire more police?
B: No. It costs too much money.
A: Doesn’t crime cost more than police?
B: Yes, it does.
A: So it would be cheaper to hire more police?
B: Yes, it would.
 

2. No One Ever Leaves
 
A: This is a great neighborhood.
B: Yes, it is.
A: People are friendly.
B: Yes, they are.
A: The streets and sidewalks are clean.
B: Yes, they are.
A: There’s a real nice park nearby.
B: Yes, there is.
A: I feel safe here.
B: There is no crime here.
A: I wish I could move here.
B: Maybe you can, if someone moves out.
 

3. Fire and Smoke
 
A: The house burned down.
B: What happened?
A: The man fell asleep.
B: Was he smoking?
A: Yes, he was smoking a cigarette.
B: Did he die?
A: Yes, he did. His cat died, too.
B: That’s too bad. What about his smoke alarm?
A: The battery was dead.
B: A good battery would have saved his life.
A: He had cigarettes, but no battery.
B: It happens all the time.
 

4. Play with Fire
 
A: They say he has started fifteen big fires.
B: He’s been in jail three times already.
A: Why did they ever let him out?
B: It’s the law. They can’t keep him in jail forever.
A: Why not? Everyone knows he’s a firebug. He loves to start fires.
B: I don’t know. Sometimes the law doesn’t make sense.
A: But his latest fire killed someone.
B: This time they have charged him with murder.
A: So maybe he’ll go to jail forever?
B: I sure hope so.
A: Someone should set him on fire.
B: That would teach him a good lesson.
 

5. Fasten Your Seatbelt
 
A: Put your seatbelt on.
B: Why?
A: Because it will protect you in case of an accident.
B: But it’s uncomfortable.
A: It’s the law.
B: It’s so much trouble.
A: It’s common sense.
B: It’s so tight that it’s hard for me to breathe.
A: Hold your breath till we get there.
B: Okay, my seatbelt is on.
A: I’m glad you don’t complain very much.
B: I’m ready for an accident.
 

6. Use the Stepladder
 
A: What are you doing?
B: I’m going to change the light bulb. It burnt out.
A: What are you standing on?
B: A couple of dictionaries and some textbooks.
A: Are you crazy?
B: What’s the matter?
A: Those books will slip and you’ll fall.
B: It’s only a couple of feet.
A: What if you fall while you’re holding the light bulb, and it breaks and pieces go into your eyes?
B: I never thought about that.
A: You’d be blind for the rest of your life!
B: I’ll get the stepladder.
 

7. A Puddle on the Floor
 
A: Did you see that puddle of water on the floor?
B: Yes. I called for a clean-up.
A: A puddle of water is very dangerous.
B: It isn’t easy to see.
A: But it’s real easy to slip on.
B: Especially on these slick floors.
A: Someone who slips could hurt their back.
B: They could even crack their head open.
A: We should stand here till the clean-up person gets here.
B: We can leave if we put an orange cone here.
A: Yes, but I don’t know where the orange cones are.
B: It doesn’t matter. Here he comes now with the mop.
 

8. The Fire Alarm
 
A: What happens when the fire alarm rings?
B: We tell our students to leave the classroom.
A: Can they take their belongings?
B: Yes, if they do it quickly.
A: Where do the students go?
B: They go out to the north parking lot.
A: What do the teachers do?
B: We take our rosters to the parking lot and take roll.
A: Why do you do that?
B: We want to make sure all the students are out of the building.
A: If they are all outside, then what?
B: Then we just wait outside for a fireman to tell us to go back in.
 

9. Double-Check Everything
 
A: I have to go back upstairs.
B: Why? We’re already late.
A: I have to check the stove.
B: What’s the matter?
A: Maybe I left the burner on.
B: No, you didn’t. I checked the stove before we left.
A: Are you sure?
B: Of course I’m sure.
A: Well, I have to go back upstairs anyway.
B: It’s getting later every minute.
A: I think I left the water running.
B: No, you didn’t. Let’s go! The only thing running is the clock!
 

10. Guns for All
 
A: The city is buying guns.
B: What are they paying?
A: Up to $200 for each gun, no questions asked.
B: Why are they doing this?
A: They want to get guns off the street.
B: Who would turn in a gun for $200?
A: That isn’t a good deal?
B: A good gun costs $400 or more.
A: Well, if you bring your receipt, maybe they’ll give you $400.
B: I’ll keep my receipt and my gun.
A: I didn’t know you had a gun.
B: Everyone in America should have a gun.
 

11. Crime Reduction
 
A: You're yawning.
B: I sure am.
A: You should go to bed.
B: I will as soon as I finish this article.
A: What are you reading?
B: It's about crime in Los Angeles.
A: What does it say?
B: The mayor says the crime rate is going down.
A: Then why does everyone lock their doors?
B: I guess they haven't read this article.
A: No one believes that the crime rate is going down.
B: Maybe the mayor is just talking about his own neighborhood.
 

12. Two Different States
 
A: People who live in California are crazy.
B: Why is that?
A: Because of all the earthquakes and fires.
B: But big earthquakes happen only once in a while.
A: Once in a while is once too many.
B: But you’re right. There are a lot of fires.
A: A recent fire destroyed 85 homes.
B: Still, it’s safer than Florida.
A: Florida doesn’t have earthquakes or fires.
B: No, Florida just has hurricanes every year from June to October.
A: But most of those hurricanes are harmless.
B: Excuse me. Hurricane Andrew destroyed 30,000 homes!
 

총 12개 주제로 스포츠 관련 기초회화를 모았습니다.
품격있고 깔끔한 회화문입니다. 버릴 말이 하나도 없네요.
이 정도는 여러번 읽어서 몽땅 암기할 정도가 되시기 바랍니다.

회화는 읽고 또 읽고 하여 몸에 익도록 해야 합니다.
수학공부 하듯이 힘들여 한 방에 머리에 담으려 하지 마시고
느긋하게 부담없이 자주 자주 읽어서 몸으로 암기해야 합니다.

제일 좋은 방법은 전체를 하루에 한 번씩 습관적으로 읽는 겁니다.
절대 외우려고 하지 마시고, 몸에 익을 때까지 그냥 계속 읽으시면 됩니다.
이렇게 반복을 통해 몸으로 외운 것은 오래 오래 갑니다.
잘못하면 평생 갑니다.

외울 때는 머리가 아니라 몸으로!!!
말할 때는 머리가 아니라 가슴으로!!!
-------------------

1. Take Me to the Ball Game
 
A: Can we go to the baseball game?
B: Of course.
A: I love baseball.
B: So do I.
A: I love to eat the peanuts.
B: I love to eat the hot dogs.
A: I hope we’ll see a home run.
B: I hope we’ll catch a foul ball.
A: Bring a jacket.
B: Yes. It gets a little cool at night.
A: Bring a glove to catch a foul ball.
B: No. I’ll just use my cap to catch a foul ball.
 

2. Golf Is Silly
 
A: Golf is a silly game.
B: It certainly is.
A: You hit a white ball.
B: And then you chase it.
A: And then you hit it again.
B: Finally, you put the ball into a hole in the ground.
A: You do this 18 times, because there are 18 holes.
B: What’s the point?
A: How can it be fun?
B: They pay money to play this silly game!
A: I think golfers have a mental problem.
B: I think they’re nuts.
 

3. Fresh Fish
 
A: Do you want to go fishing?
B: Yes. That’s a good idea.
A: Where do you want to go?
B: We can go to the river.
A: Or we can go to the lake.
B: Or we can go to the ocean.
A: Let’s go to the lake.
B: Yes. The lake is only 10 miles away.
A: We can be there in 20 minutes.
B: I’ll get our fishing rods.
A: I’ll get the bait.
B: We’ll have fresh fish for dinner!
 

4. I Love Baseball
 
A: Baseball is fun.
B: I like to hit the ball.
A: I like to run around the bases.
B: I like to slide into the bases.
A: Yeah. It’s a lot of fun to slide.
B: I want to be a baseball player when I grow up.
A: Me too. I want to play for the Yankees.
B: Not me. I want to play for the Dodgers.
A: We have to practice every day.
B: I don’t like practice.
A: Me neither. It’s boring.
B: But practice makes perfect.
 

5. New Shoes
 
A: Let’s go jogging.
B: That’s a good idea.
A: I bought some new shoes.
B: Are they comfortable?
A: They’re very comfortable.
B: How much were they?
A: They were on sale for $80.
B: Do they help you run faster?
A: No, but my feet don’t hurt anymore.
B: Then they’re worth every penny.
A: You might want to buy a pair.
B: I’ll wait until I wear this pair out.
 

6. I’m Worried about Tiger
 
A: Tiger is the greatest golfer in the world.
B: You can say that again.
A: But I’m worried about Tiger.
B: Why is that?
A: Because he likes to SCUBA dive.
B: What’s wrong with that?
A: It can be dangerous.
B: You mean he could drown.
A: He shouldn’t SCUBA dive until he retires.
B: But he dives to relax.
A: He might relax, but it makes me nervous.
B: If his wife doesn’t mind, you shouldn’t mind.
 

7. Where Is Tiger From?
 
A: Did you watch that golf tournament?
B: The one that Tiger won?
A: How did he do it?
B: It was nothing for him.
A: He sank a 20-foot putt on the last hole to win by one stroke!
B: He sank a 25-footer last year at the same tournament to win by one stroke.
A: I think he is from outer space.
B: No human could possibly play golf that well.
A: Whenever he needs a shot to win a tournament, he makes that shot.
B: No human can do that.
A: Somebody should check his birth record.
B: I bet it says he was born on Mars.
 

8. Babe Ruth
 
A: Who’s the greatest baseball player?
B: There are so many great players.
A: Yes, but who is the greatest?
B: I’d have to say Babe Ruth.
A: Most people would say that.
B: He changed the game.
A: Yes, he made the home run popular.
B: Everybody loved him, all over the nation.
A: He helped make the Yankees the best team ever.
B: And Ruth was a good person, too.
A: He always visited hospitals to cheer up sick kids.
B: There will never be another Babe.
 

9. The Season’s Over
 
A: Did you hear what happened at the baseball game?
B: No, please tell me.
A: Someone punched out someone.
B: That’s not nice.
A: It’s worse than that.
B: How so?
A: Two guys got into an argument.
B: I’ll bet they were drinking.
A: A third guy punched one of the two guys.
B: I’ll bet he was drinking, too.
A: The victim hit his head on the concrete steps and died.
B: That’s terrible. Can’t people just have fun at a baseball game?
 

10. Cheap Seats
 
A: I want to go to the ball game.
B: Is there a game tonight?
A: Yes, it starts at 7 p.m.
B: Can we get tickets?
A: Yes, but only the cheap tickets.
B: How much are they?
A: They’re only $5 each.
B: That’s a good price.
A: Yes, it’s cheaper than a hot dog or a beer.
B: Where are the seats?
A: They’re behind the outfield.
B: Maybe we can catch a home run ball.
 

11. Golf Is No Picnic

A: Golf is so hard.
B: What's so hard about hitting a little white ball?
A: It's hard if you want to do it right.
B: You mean like Tiger?
A: No, like a good amateur golfer.
B: What's so hard about golf?
A: There are so many things you have to do right.
B: Like what?
A: Like keep your left arm straight, keep your head down, and follow through.
B: Yikes! Who can remember all that?
A: You need to get a lot of lessons when you're really young.
B: Forget it. Golf sounds more like work than fun.
 

12. A Player Cheats
 
A: Did you hear about the ball player?
B: The home run hitter on drugs?
A: He said a doctor helped him with a personal problem.
B: He said he wasn’t using drugs.
A: He apologized to the fans.
B: The league suspended him for 50 games.
A: That will cost him some money.
B: Yes, about $7 million.
A: That will teach him a good lesson.
B: He probably won’t use drugs anymore.
A: But it won’t stop other players from using drugs.
B: No. Everyone always figures that they won’t get caught.

총 15개 주제로 학교생활(School Life) 관련 기초회화를 모았습니다.
품격있고 깔끔한 회화문입니다. 버릴 말이 하나도 없네요. 
이 정도는 여러번 읽어서 몽땅 암기할 정도가 되시기 바랍니다.

회화는 읽고 또 읽고 하여 몸에 익도록 해야 합니다.
수학공부 하듯이 힘들여 한 방에 머리에 담으려 하지 마시고
느긋하게 부담없이 자주 자주 읽어서 몸으로 암기해야 합니다.

제일 좋은 방법은 전체를 하루에 한 번씩 습관적으로 읽는 겁니다.
절대 외우려고 하지 마시고, 몸에 익을 때까지 그냥 계속 읽으시면 됩니다.
이렇게 반복을 통해 몸으로 외운 것은 오래 오래 갑니다.
잘못하면 평생 갑니다.

외울 때는 머리가 아니라 몸으로!!!
말할 때는 머리가 아니라 가슴으로!!!
-------------------

1. I Go to College
 
A: Do you go to college?
B: Yes, I do.
A: What college do you go to?
B: I go to Pasadena City College.
A: Do you like it?
B: Oh, yes, I really like it.
A: Why do you like it?
B: Because it has great teachers.
A: What else?
B: I like all my classmates, too.
A: Anything else?
B: Yes. It’s not expensive!
 

2. A Lost Pen
 
A: I lost my new pen.
B: Where did you lose it?
A: I don’t know.
B: When did you lose it?
A: I think I lost it today. I used it yesterday.
B: Did you check all your pockets?
A: I checked all my pockets.
B: Did you look in your desk?
A: Yes. It isn’t there, either.
B: It’s probably around somewhere.
A: Oh, well, it only cost me a dollar.
B: Only a dollar? Don’t even look for it.
 

3. Gravity for All
 
A: Gravity is very important.
B: What is gravity?
A: It’s the force that pulls everything down.
B: I don’t understand.
A: If you pour water into a glass, the water goes down into the glass.
B: Of course it does.
A: Without gravity, the water would go up.
B: You’re joking.
A: Without gravity, you would go up.
B: What do you mean?
A: You would float into the sky like a balloon.
B: That would be fun!
 

4. New Glasses
 
A: I can’t read my book.
B: Turn on the light.
A: The light is on.
B: Open the book.
A: The book is open.
B: See an eye doctor.
A: That’s what I need to do.
B: He’ll give you a prescription for glasses.
A: I’ll make an appointment tomorrow.
B: I’ll get the yellow pages for an eye doctor.
A: Read the phone number to me.
B: I’ll read it very loud, in case your hearing is getting bad, too.
 

5. School Items
 
A: What do you need for school?
B: I need pencils.
A: Anything else?
B: I need a notebook.
A: Do you need a pen?
B: No. I already have a pen.
A: Do you need a calculator?
B: No. The teacher doesn’t permit calculators.
A: How about a dictionary?
B: No, we have a big dictionary in the classroom.
A: Well, I guess that’s it.
B: Yes, that’s all I need for now.
 

6. A Good Magazine
 
A: I like this magazine.
B: So do I.
A: I read it once, and I subscribed.
B: It gives you all the news.
A: All the news in only 50 pages.
B: I like the political cartoons.
A: I like the beautiful photos of the houses for sale.
B: I always read the film reviews.
A: I never miss the food and drink section.
B: I gave a subscription to my parents.
A: Me too. They canceled their other news magazines.
B: So did mine!
 

7. Shake Your Pen
 
A: My pen is out of ink.
B: Shake it a couple of times.
A: I shook it. There is no more ink.
B: You can borrow mine.
A: Thank you. I’ll buy a new one tomorrow.
B: What were you doing?
A: I was writing a letter.
B: Who were you writing to?
A: It’s to my mom.
B: Tell her I said hello.
A: Okay. I’ll return your pen when I’m done.
B: Take your time.
 

8. Do Your Homework

A: Have you done your homework?
B: Not yet.
A: Then why are you watching TV?
B: This is my favorite show.
A: Go do your homework.
B: But, mom!
A: You can watch TV after you do your homework.
B: But the show will be over.
A: There will be another show next week.
B: Please?
A: You know the rules.
B: I hate the rules! I can’t wait till I grow up.
 

9. The Soldier

A: I can’t wait until I graduate.
B: Me too.
A: No more homework.
B: I hate homework.
A: Are you going to college?
B: I can’t afford it.
A: Me neither.
B: So what are you going to do?
A: I’m joining the army.
B: You’re kidding. You might get killed.
A: I don’t think so. After I finish, I’ll have enough money to go to college.
B: That’s not a bad idea.
 

10. The English Major
 
A: What is your major?
B: English.
A: What are you going to do with an English major?
B: I’m going to be a teacher.
A: High school or middle school?
B: High school.
A: I teach high school English.
B: I didn’t know that.
A: I started teaching five years ago.
B: How do you like it?
A: Do you see all this gray hair? It was totally black five years ago.
B: Maybe I’ll teach middle school.
 

11. No Parking
 
A: Parking at school is impossible.
B: I’ll say.
A: I drove around for half an hour.
B: Did you find a spot?
A: I found a spot, but someone cut in and took it from me.
B: Did you yell at them?
A: Yes, I did.
B: And?
A: And he yelled back at me.
B: How rude.
A: But I got lucky a few minutes later.
B: You have to be lucky to find a parking space.
 

12. Keep Your Eyes Open
 
A: This is a huge library.
B: Yes, it has lots of rooms and lots of space.
A: And lots of books.
B: And lots of thieves.
A: What do you mean?
B: I mean, keep your belongings close to you.
A: The only thing in my backpack is used books.
B: But thieves don’t know that.
A: They might think that I’ve got an iPod or laptop in there.
B: Now you’re thinking.
A: You’d think a library would be safe from thieves.
B: Not even a church is safe from thieves.
 

13. Two Plus Two
 
A: How good is your math?
B: I can add two and two.
A: So you’re not very good at math?
B: I’m terrible at math.
A: Well, I need some help.
B: With what?
A: I’m taking a math course in school.
B: Well, you should ask your teacher or your classmates for help.
A: I can’t do that.
B: Why not?
A: They might think I’m stupid.
B: They’re not going to think that! They’ll be glad to help you.
 

14. Prayers
 
A: Do you believe in God?
B: Of course.
A: Do you pray to God?
B: Occasionally.
A: When’s that?
B: When I need something.
A: Like what?
B: Well, if I have a big test at school.
A: Does God answer your prayers?
B: Yes, I’ve passed all my tests.
A: Do you ever pray for money?
B: Not yet. I won’t need to do that until I graduate from high school.
 

15. Hit and Run

A: The cops finally found the husband.
B: What husband?
A: The husband of the driver who ran over two college students at 3 a.m.
B: Oh, yeah. The girl died instantly, and the boy is still in the hospital.
A: The husband said he tried to help the boy.
B: Yes, he pushed him off the hood of the car.
A: No, he said he gently placed the boy on the street.
B: So what? They still drove off.
A: The husband said a fire department was nearby.
B: So what? Did he dial 911?
A: He said he was thinking about it, but he didn't get around to it.
B: He didn't get around to turning himself in, either.

총 77개 주제로 일상생활(Daily Life) 관련 기초회화를 모았습니다.
품격있고 깔끔한 회화문입니다. 버릴 말이 하나도 없네요. 
이 정도는 여러번 읽어서 몽땅 암기할 정도가 되시기 바랍니다.

회화는 읽고 또 읽고 하여 몸에 익도록 해야 합니다.
수학공부 하듯이 힘들여 한 방에 머리에 담으려 하지 마시고
느긋하게 부담없이 자주 자주 읽어서 몸으로 암기해야 합니다.

제일 좋은 방법은 전체를 하루에 한 번씩 습관적으로 읽는 겁니다.
절대 외우려고 하지 마시고, 몸에 익을 때까지 그냥 계속 읽으시면 됩니다.
이렇게 반복을 통해 몸으로 외운 것은 오래 오래 갑니다.
잘못하면 평생 갑니다.

외울 때는 머리가 아니라 몸으로!!!
말할 때는 머리가 아니라 가슴으로!!!
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1. I Live in Pasadena
    
A: Where do you live?
B: I live in Pasadena.
A: Where is Pasadena?
B: It’s in California.
A: Is it in northern California?
B: No. It’s in southern California.
A: Is Pasadena a big city?
B: It’s pretty big.
A: How big is "pretty big"?
B: It has about 140,000 people.
A: How big is Los Angeles?
B: It has about 3 million people.

2. I Have a Honda
 
A: Do you have a car?
B: Yes, I do.
A: What kind of car do you have?
B: I have a Honda.
A: Is it new?
B: It was new in 2003.
A: So, it’s pretty old now.
B: Yes, it is. But it still looks good.
A: Do you take good care of it?
B: Oh, yes. I wash it once a week.
A: Do you change the oil?
B: My mechanic changes the oil twice a year.
 

3. Do You Have a Girlfriend?
 
A: Do you have a girlfriend?
B: No, I don’t. Do you?
A: I don’t have a girlfriend, either.
B: Why not?
A: I don’t know. Maybe I’m not rich enough.
B: Girls like guys with money.
A: They sure do.
B: They like guys with new cars.
A: I don’t have money or a new car.
B: Me, neither.
A: But girls like guys who are funny.
B: Maybe we should learn some good jokes.

4. Walking the Dog
 
A: Where are you going?
B: I have to walk the dog.
A: What kind of dog do you have?
B: I have a little poodle.
A: Poodles bark a lot.
B: They sure do.
A: They bark at everything.
B: They never shut up.
A: Why did you get a poodle?
B: It’s my mom’s dog.
A: So she likes poodles.
B: She says they’re good watchdogs.
 

5. Borrowing Money

A: Can I borrow $5?
B: Sure. Why do you need it?
A: I want to buy lunch.
B: Where’s your money?
A: It’s not in my wallet.
B: Your wallet is empty?
A: I don’t have even one dollar in it.
B: Being broke is no fun.
A: Even if it’s only for a short while.
B: It’s always good to have friends.
A: Friends will lend you money when you’re broke.
B: As long as you pay them back.
 

6. Going to the Beach
 
A: Let’s go to the beach.
B: That’s a great idea.
A: We haven’t been in a while.
B: We haven’t been in a month.
A: The last time we went, you almost drowned.
B: No, I didn’t.
A: Then why did the lifeguard dive into the water?
B: I think he wanted to cool off.
A: He swam right up to you.
B: And then he turned right around.
A: Maybe you’re right.
B: Maybe we should get going.
 

7. My Wife Left Me
 
A: Are you married?
B: No. I’m divorced.
A: When did you get divorced?
B: I got divorced two years ago.
A: Why did you get divorced?
B: My wife left me.
A: Why did she leave you?
B: She said she didn’t love me anymore.
A: Wow! That’s terrible.
B: Yes, it was.
A: Why didn’t she love you anymore?
B: She fell in love with my best friend.
 

8. What’s on TV?
 
A: I’m bored.
B: What’s on TV?
A: Nothing.
B: There must be something on TV!
A: Nothing that’s interesting.
B: What about that new game show?
A: Which one?
B: "Deal or No Deal"
A: Tell me you’re joking.
B: I love that show.
A: I watched it once. That was enough.
B: It’s on right now. Let’s watch it together.
 

9. A Nice Place to Live
 
A: I like living here.
B: I agree. Pasadena is a nice city.
A: It’s not too big.
B: And it’s not too small.
A: It has great weather all year long.
B: It has the Rose Parade.
A: It has beautiful houses.
B: It has wonderful restaurants.
A: It has great schools.
B: It’s close to the mountains.
A: The people are friendly.
B: I’m not ever going to leave.
 

10. The New Mattress
 
A: We need a new mattress.
B: What’s the matter with this one?
A: It’s not comfortable.
B: It seems fine to me.
A: I toss and turn all night.
B: You should stop drinking coffee.
A: Look at these marks on my arms.
B: What are they?
A: They are bites.
B: Did the cat bite you?
A: No. The bedbugs in that mattress bit me.
B: Okay. Let’s get a new mattress.
 

11. My Laptop Is So Slow
 
A: My laptop is so slow.
B: Buy a new one.
A: I would if I had the money.
B: Why is it so slow?
A: That’s a good question.
B: Did you take it to a computer shop?
A: I would if I had the money.
B: Well, I guess you have to live with it.
A: Sometimes I want to throw it out the window.
B: You don’t want to do that.
A: Why not?
B: You might hit someone in the head.
 

12. How about a Pizza?
 
A: What’s for dinner?
B: I’m not sure.
A: How about a pizza?
B: You had pizza for lunch.
A: But I love pizza.
B: Everybody loves pizza.
A: So why can’t I have pizza for dinner?
B: Because you need variety.
A: What’s “variety?
B: Different things—not the same thing all the time.
A: You mean, like a pepperoni pizza instead of a cheese pizza?
B: No, I mean a salad instead of a pizza.
 

13. The New House
 
A: We need to save money.
B: Why do we need to save money?
A: Because we need to buy a house.
B: But a house is so expensive.
A: That’s why we need to save money.
B: How much do we need to save?
A: We need to save enough for a down payment.
B: How much is that?
A: That’s about $30,000.
B: Thirty thousand dollars! That will take forever.
A: Not if we save every penny.
B: Okay. Here’s seven pennies.
 

14. Fish Are Everywhere
 
A: The ocean is so big.
B: You can’t see the end of it.
A: It goes on and on forever.
B: And it’s deep, too.
A: I think it’s five miles deep.
B: Are there fish at the bottom?
A: There are fish at the top and the bottom.
B: Are there more fish or more people?
A: I think there are more fish.
B: I hope so. I love to eat fish.
 

15. A Bad Boyfriend
 
A: I’m upset with my mom.
B: Why is that?
A: I warned her about her new boyfriend. She didn’t listen to me.
B: What happened?
A: I gave her $1,000 for her birthday. I told her to spend it on herself.
B: That was very nice of you.
A: I found out that she gave it to her new boyfriend.
B: Why did she do that?
A: He said he would buy her a nice ring.
B: What’s wrong with that?
A: He went to Las Vegas. He lost it all gambling.
B: I hope your mom broke up with him.
 

16. Talking Animals
 
A: Do animals talk to each other?
B: Of course they talk to each other.
A: What do they talk about?
B: They talk about other animals.
A: What else do they talk about?
B: They talk about food and the weather.
A: Do they talk about us?
B: Of course they talk about us.
A: What do they say about us?
B: They say that we are funny-looking.
A: Ha! We’re not funny-looking; animals are funny-looking.
B: We’re funny-looking because we wear clothes.
 

17. Housecleaning Day
 
A: I have to clean the house.
B: Yes, it’s very dirty.
A: You can help me.
B: Why me?
A: Because you helped make it dirty.
B: What do you want me to do?
A: I want you to clean the bathroom.
B: Oh, that’s easy.
A: Clean the sink, the tub, the counter, and the toilet.
B: That’s a lot of work.
A: Tell me when you finish.
B: I don’t think so. You’ll just give me more work.
 

18. A TV Lover

A: You’re watching too much TV.
B: What do you mean?
A: I mean you’re wasting your life.
B: I’m having fun.
A: You’re sitting there with your mouth open.
B: Who cares?
A: I care. Do something.
B: Okay. I did something.
A: What did you do?
B: I turned up the volume.
A: That’s not what I meant by “do something.?
B: Will you do something? Leave me alone.
 

19. Write to Your Grandma
 
A: Did you write a letter to grandma?
B: Yes, I did.
A: Did you tell her about school?
B: I told her that school is fun.
A: Did you put the letter in an envelope?
B: Yes, and I sealed the envelope.
A: Did you put a stamp on the envelope?
B: I couldn’t find any stamps.
A: They’re in the kitchen drawer.
B: Okay. I just put a stamp on the envelope.
A: Give me the envelope, and I’ll mail it for you.
B: When is grandma going to learn about e-mail?
 

20. Are You Sleepy?
 
A: Why are you yawning?
B: I’m sleepy.
A: Why don’t you go to bed?
B: I want to watch this TV show.
A: Maybe you should record it.
B: The tape recorder is broken.
A: Then you should watch the rerun.
B: Why? I’m watching the original.
A: But you’ll be asleep in about one minute.
B: I’m just yawning because the commercials are on.
A: Okay. I’ll tell you how the show ends.
B: Zzz.
 

21. God Is Watching
 
A: It’s Sunday.
B: So?
A: You know what that means.
B: I forgot.
A: Sunday means we go to church.
B: Oh, yeah.
A: Put on a coat and tie.
B: Why?
A: To show respect to God and others.
B: I’m glad Sunday is only once a week.
A: I hope God didn’t hear that.
B: He’ll forgive me.
 

22. Feed the Cat
 
A: Did you feed the cat?
B: I’ll do that in a minute.
A: The cat is meowing. He’s hungry.
B: Okay. I’ll feed him right now.
A: You shouldn’t make him wait.
B: I was doing my homework.
A: The cat doesn’t care about your homework.
B: The cat doesn’t care about anything.
A: That’s the way cats are.
B: All they think about is themselves.
A: Maybe we should get rid of him.
B: Of course not! He’s family.
 

23. Shave Your Face
 
A: I hate shaving.
B: Me too.
A: I just cut myself again.
B: Did you use a new blade?
A: It doesn’t matter. Old blades cut, new blades cut.
B: Maybe you should use an electric shaver.
A: They make a lot of noise, but they don’t give a close shave.
B: Maybe you should stop shaving.
A: And grow a beard?
B: Sure. Why not?
A: Because food and other stuff sticks in my beard.
B: Hmm. Here’s an idea. Put cream on your face and have the cat lick it off.
 

24. Two Polite People
 
A: Excuse me.
B: Yes?
A: Are you reading this paper?
B: Oh, no. Help yourself.
A: I asked because the paper is sitting next to you.
B: Thank you. That’s polite of you to ask.
A: Some people would just pick it up.
B: Yes, I know. Some people are rude.
A: I always try to be polite.
B: So do I.
A: The world needs more polite people like us.
B: I agree 100 percent.
 

25. Give Me a Puppy
 
A: Mom, I want a puppy.
B: Let me think about it.
A: Why do you have to think about it?
B: Because a puppy costs money.
A: No, it doesn’t. Puppies are free.
B: Yes, but a puppy needs shots.
A: Shots for what?
B: So it won’t get sick. Just like you get shots.
A: I hate shots.
B: And a puppy eats food. Food costs money.
A: No problem. I’ll give him food off my plate.
B: Oh, no you don’t. Puppies don’t eat vegetables.
 

26. Kittens to Give Away

A: Look at all these kittens!
B: How many are there?
A: Eight.
B: They’re all so cute.
A: Yes, but I can’t keep them.
B: What are you going to do with them?
A: I’m going to give them away. Do you want one?
B: Yes, I would love one.
A: Which one do you want?
B: That one. The one that’s all black.
A: Yes, I like that one, too.
B: I’ll call him Blacky.
 

27. Happy in Heaven
 
A: My parents go to church every Sunday.
B: They trust in God.
A: They hope they will go to heaven.
B: They probably will.
A: But no one knows for sure.
B: That’s for sure.
A: No one knows what happens after we die.
B: If we are good, we will be happy in heaven with God.
A: That’s what many people believe.
B: If we are bad, we will be unhappy forever in hell.
A: I don’t want to go to hell.
B: Let’s go to church with your parents on Sunday.
 

28. His Line Is Never Busy
 
A: My husband died.
B: I’m sorry for you.
A: Thank you.
B: When did he die?
A: A couple of months ago.
B: You still miss him.
A: Yes, but I talk to him almost every day.
B: When you go to church?
A: No, when I call him on his cell phone.
B: What do you mean?
A: I buried him with his cell phone.
B: What will you do when the battery dies?
 

29. Friday the 13th
 
A: Today is Friday the thirteenth.
B: That’s a bad day.
A: It’s supposed to be unlucky.
B: You’re supposed to stay home all day.
A: That’s what I do.
B: My friend stayed in a hotel on Friday the thirteenth.
A: That was a mistake.
B: He stayed on the thirteenth floor.
A: What happened?
B: Someone stole his laptop.
A: He was asking for it.
B: He learned his lesson. He’s home today.
 

30. Do You Love Me?
 
A: Do you really love me?
B: Of course.
A: Prove it.
B: How can I prove it?
A: Take me to dinner.
B: That’s it? That’s all I have to do?
A: Take me to a nice restaurant, not to McDonald’s.
B: But a nice restaurant costs money.
A: Yes, and you have to make a reservation.
B: That’s such a hassle.
A: I knew you didn’t love me.
B: Okay, okay! I’ll make a reservation right now.
 

31. Dad Has a Girlfriend
 
A: My parents are divorced.
B: So are mine.
A: Why did your parents get divorced?
B: My father found a new girlfriend.
A: That’s too bad.
B: My mother was hurt and angry.
A: She had good reason. What did she do?
B: She told him to drop his girlfriend.
A: What did your father do?
B: He moved out of our house.
A: I guess he really liked his new girlfriend.
B: Yes, but she left him a year later.
 

32. What’s That Smell?
 
A: My grandma’s apartment smells funny.
B: So does mine.
A: I think it’s an old people’s smell.
B: Really?
A: Yes. I think when you get old, you begin to smell.
B: Like fruit that is too ripe?
A: Yes, just like fruit that is too ripe.
B: But the smell is different.
A: Yes, old people don’t smell like fruit.
B: No, they smell like a thrift shop.
A: Yes, a thrift shop has that same smell.
B: Yes, an old smell.
 

33. They Deliver
 
A: The price of stamps goes up and up.
B: I think stamps used to cost a penny.
A: That was a long time ago.
B: It was before I was born.
A: Now a stamp is 42 cents.
B: But in May it will be 44 cents.
A: Have you ever lost a letter in the mail?
B: No, I haven’t.
A: Neither have I.
B: So, they do a good job for the money.
A: Yes, they do.
B: Maybe we shouldn’t complain.
 

34. A Lost Button
 
A: A button came off my shirt.
B: What are you going to do?
A: First, I have to find the button.
B: Where did you lose it?
A: I have no idea.
B: A button is hard to find. Did you look in your pant cuffs?
A: That’s a good idea.
B: I found a button in my pant cuffs one time.
A: Let me look. No, it’s not there.
B: Many shirts come with an extra button.
A: You’re right. This one does have an extra button.
B: Now all you have to do is sew it on.
 

35. Did You Say Something?
 
A: I have to go to the bathroom.
B: You drink too much coffee.
A: But I love coffee.
B: Well, it’s your life.
A: You eat too much chocolate.
B: I don’t think so.
A: Have you looked in the mirror?
B: Do you think I’m getting fat?
A: I didn’t say that.
B: What did you say?
A: I said I have to go to the bathroom.
B: That’s what I thought you said.
 

36. Washed and Folded
 
A: Did you do the laundry?
B: Yes, I did.
A: What did you wash?
B: I washed the sheets and towels.
A: What about the pillowcases?
B: Yes, I took them off the pillows and washed them.
A: Did you dry everything in the dryer?
B: Yes, I dried everything in the dryer.
A: Then what did you do?
B: I folded all the towels.
A: Did you put the sheets on the beds?
B: Yes, and I put the pillowcases on the pillows.
 

37. Talk Radio
 
A: Do you listen to the radio?
B: I listen day and night.
A: What do you listen to?
B: Mostly talk radio.
A: What’s that?
B: People talk about current events.
A: What do they say?
B: They say they want change.
A: What kind of change?
B: They want tax cuts.
A: Why do they want tax cuts?
B: Because tax cuts will save them money.
 

38. A Bad Diet
 
A: Mom, I’m hungry.
B: Look in the fridge.
A: I’m looking. There’s nothing to eat.
B: Are you sure?
A: It’s almost empty.
B: I went to the market yesterday.
A: I don’t see anything.
B: I bought lots of oranges and apples.
A: I don’t want fruit. I want something tasty.
B: Eat the fruit. It’s good for you.
A: Next time you go to the market, let me go with you.
B: No, thank you. All you want to eat are hot dogs and candy bars.
 

39. A Ham Sandwich
 
A: What is there to eat?
B: I don’t know. Look in the fridge.
A: I think I’ll make a sandwich.
B: What kind?
A: A ham sandwich.
B: The bread is in the cabinet.
A: Where’s the mustard?
B: It’s in the fridge, I think.
A: Oh, yes, here it is. Do you want a sandwich?
B: Yes, that sounds nice.
A: How about some potato chips?
B: Yes. And a pickle, if we have any.
 

40. Time for Your Bath
 
A: It’s time for your bath, young lady.
B: But, Mom, I’m not dirty.
A: You need a bath every day.
B: Why?
A: Because you don’t want to smell bad.
B: I don’t smell bad.
A: That’s what you think.
B: If I smelled bad, I could smell me.
A: I can smell you.
B: I can smell you, too.
A: That’s my perfume.
B: When can I wear perfume?
 

41. A Black Screen
 
A: Something’s wrong with my computer.
B: Exactly what?
A: All I get is a black screen.
B: What’s the matter?
A: I think I know, because this happened before.
B: What happened before?
A: My hard drive crashed.
B: Oh, no. That’s bad news.
A: It sure is, but I’m going to call HP first, just to make sure.
B: Will you lose all your files?
A: No, I always back up my files.
B: You’re smart.
 

42. A New Hard Drive
 
A: I called HP about my computer.
B: What did they say?
A: They said I need a new hard drive.
B: That’s too bad. How much is a new one?
A: It’s not too much, only about $85.
B: Plus installation?
A: No, my hard drive is easy to remove and replace.
B: Really?
A: Yes, it’s just a couple of screws.
B: That’s nice.
A: It’s a lot better than paying someone $60.
B: If my hard drive crashes, I’ll just call you.
 

43. Your Email Address
 
A: What’s your email address?
B: It’s bluedog123.
A: Bluedog123. Are you sure that's all?
B: Yes.
A: No. That’s incomplete.
B: What do you mean?
A: What’s your mailing address?
B: 456 Cherry Drive, Pasadena, CA 91170.
A: That’s correct.
B: So what’s the problem?
A: Bluedog123 is just the street. You have to give me the city, state, and ZIP code.
B: Oh, I get it. My email address is bluedog123@yahoo.com.
 

44. Time for a Nap
 
A: I’m going to take a nap.
B: You should unplug the phone.
A: That’s a good idea.
B: Do you want me to wake you in an hour?
A: No, thanks. Just let me sleep until I wake up.
B: I’ll start dinner at 6:00.
A: Okay. I think I’ll be awake by then.
B: If not, your nose will wake you up.
A: You mean I will smell the food cooking?
B: You might even dream about dinner.
A: I don’t think I’m going to dream about anything. I’m really tired.
B: Have a nice nap.
 

45. Thinking about His Funeral
 
A: That was a nice funeral.
B: Yes, dad, it was.
A: The son gave a nice speech about his father.
B: It was long, too.
A: I think it was about 45 minutes long.
B: But it went by fast. It was interesting.
A: I liked it.
B: I’ll give you a speech like that, too.
A: Do you think anyone will come to my funeral?
B: Of course.
A: I think only the family will be there.
B: You have lots of friends. They will be there, too!
 

46. The Elephant
 
A: Yikes! What was that noise?
B: I had to blow my nose.
A: Did you have to blow right next to the phone?
B: Did you hear that?
A: Of course I heard that. I thought a plane had crashed into your house.
B: It wasn’t that loud.
A: I will blow my nose sometime for you, and you’ll see.
B: Okay. I’ll take your word for it.
A: I thought you had an elephant in your house.
B: You’re funny.
A: What did you say? I think I’ve gone deaf.
B: I’m going into the bathroom to blow my nose. I’ll be right back.
 

47. You Can Have Some of My Friends
 
A: I have lots of friends.
B: Really? How many do you have?
A: I don’t know, maybe one hundred.
B: That is a lot of friends. Do you have a best friend?
A: Of course. I have lots of best friends.
B: How many best friends do you have?
A: I think about twenty-five.
B: Hmm. I have only one best friend.
A: I feel sorry for you.
B: I have only a few friends.
A: You must be lonely. I will share my friends with you.
B: That’s very nice of you.
 

48. If You Cheat, You Will Die
 
A: Don’t you ever cheat on me.
B: Why would I do that?
A: Because men like to cheat.
B: Some men do, but not me.
A: I’m watching you.
B: I’m an open book. Watch me all you want.
A: If I catch you, you’ll be sorry.
B: You won’t catch me, because I love you. I’m not a cheater.
A: I will poke your eyes out.
B: I don’t want any other woman.
A: I will chop your toes off, one by one.
B: Honey, please. You’re the only woman for me, forever. I swear it.
 

49. Let’s Not Go Out
 
A: I hate to go outside.
B: Me too.
A: Why do you hate to go outside?
B: I meet too many jerks.
A: I agree.
B: This city is full of jerks.
A: Rude people are everywhere.
B: But what can you do?
A: You can yell at them.
B: And they will yell back at you.
A: Yelling doesn’t do any good.
B: No. The best thing to do is just stay home.
 

50. Fill Out the Form
 
A: Will you look at this form?
B: Are you having problems with it?
A: I don’t understand some things.
B: Let me help you.
A: What does “MI?mean?
B: "MI" stands for Middle Initial.
A: What does "MM/DD/YY" mean?
B: That means Month/Day/Year. Use numbers.
A: I don’t understand.
B: For example, if your birth date is January 12, 1987, write 01/12/87.
A: Oh. That’s simple enough.
B: Always print clearly, and fill in the bubbles completely.
 

51. The Animal Shelter
 
A: Let’s go to the animal shelter.
B: What do you want to do?
A: I want to get a puppy for my son.
B: That will make him so happy.
A: I’ll get him one of those little dogs.
B: One that won’t grow up too big.
A: And eat too much.
B: Do you know which one he would like?
A: Oh, yes, I took him there yesterday. He showed me one that he really liked.
B: I bet you had to drag him away.
A: He wanted to take it home yesterday.
B: I wonder what he’ll name it.
 

52. Is It Raining?
 
A: What’s the weather like?
B: I don’t know. I just woke up.
A: Why don’t you look outside?
B: Okay. It looks like rain.
A: Why do you say that?
B: The sky is gray.
A: Is it raining right now?
B: No.
A: How do you know?
B: The street isn’t wet.
A: I have to go shopping today.
B: You’d better take an umbrella.
 

53. It’s So Hot
 
A: I can’t believe how hot it is.
B: It’s not even noon yet.
A: That means it will get hotter.
B: I am dying from the heat.
A: Turn on the air conditioner.
B: It doesn’t work.
A: What happened?
B: I don’t know.
A: Did you call the repairman?
B: Of course.
A: When is he coming?
B: He’s busy. He said next week.
 

54. A Snowman
 
A: I’ll be glad when winter comes.
B: Why is that?
A: Because I love the snow.
B: Yes, the snow is fun.
A: Last year we made a big snowman.
B: How big was it?
A: It was seven feet tall.
B: How long did it take?
A: It took us all day.
B: Did you give him a nose?
A: Of course. We gave him a big carrot for a nose.
B: Let me help you make one this year.
 

55. The ATM
 
A: I’m going to the bank.
B: What do you need to do?
A: I need to withdraw some money.
B: How are you going to do that?
A: I’ll just use the ATM.
B: What’s that?
A: It’s the Automatic Teller Machine.
B: It gives you money?
A: I just insert my debit card into the machine.
B: And it gives you money?
A: Well, it gives me money, but it’s my own money.
B: Oh. What good is that? I thought it gave you free money.
 

56. Move the Blue Bin
 
A: Did you put the blue bin out on the street?
B: Oh, no. I forgot.
A: Well, you’d better take it out front.
B: What time does the recycle truck come by?
A: It usually gets here at noon on Tuesday, which is tomorrow.
B: I’ll just take it out to the street tomorrow morning.
A: Oh, no, you don’t.
B: What do you mean?
A: Every morning you get up late and rush off to work late.
B: Do you think I’ll forget to do it?
A: You’ll remember to do it, but you won’t have time to do it.
B: Okay, I’ll take it out front right now.
 

57. Digital TV
 
A: Are you ready?
B: Ready for what?
A: Ready for the big switch.
B: What are you talking about?
A: The nation is switching to digital TV.
B: Oh. Of course I’m ready.
A: Did you buy the converter?
B: No, I don’t need a converter because I bought a digital TV.
A: How much was that?
B: It was only about $120 for a 13-inch screen.
A: Does it pick up any digital channels?
B: Oh, yes. I get six Korean channels but nothing in English!
 

58. Just Shoot Me
 
A: People are funny.
B: They sure are.
A: Did you hear about the pilot?
B: The one that stole a small plane?
A: Yes, he stole a plane in Canada and flew into the U.S.
B: Did they catch him?
A: Yes. After two U.S. fighter jets followed him for an hour, he landed on a highway.
B: Did he crash?
A: No, he just landed the plane and walked to a restaurant.
B: Did the cops find out why he flew into the U.S.?
A: His life sucked. He was hoping a fighter jet would shoot him down.
B: Poor guy.
 

59. Don’t Be a Racist
 
A: The police need our help finding a robber.
B: How do you know?
A: The TV news is reporting a bank robbery.
B: Do they know what the robber looks like?
A: Yes, he’s 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, black hair, and about 30 years old.
B: What race is he?
A: They didn’t say.
B: The TV news doesn’t tell us the race anymore.
A: Of course not. That would be racist.
B: But how can we identify someone if we don’t know their race?
A: Don’t ask me.
B: Then they also shouldn’t tell us if the robber is male or female, because that is sexist.
 

60. Use a Tissue
 
A: Don’t wipe your nose on your sleeve.
B: But I don’t have a tissue.
A: Then go find a tissue in the bathroom.
B: I didn’t have time to get one from there.
A: Your sleeves are not tissues.
B: But Mom, all my friends use their sleeves.
A: That doesn’t make it right.
B: I saw Dad wipe his nose on his sleeve yesterday.
A: I will talk to your father about that.
B: I bet Dad did it all the time when he was my age.
A: Your daddy was a good little boy.
B: How do you know? Were you his mommy, too?
 

61. Two Little Ones
 
A: I’m worried.
B: Worried about what?
A: I’m getting married.
B: You should be happy, not worried.
A: I am happy, but marriage is a lot of responsibility.
B: Yes, you have to take care of your wife.
A: And I have to take care of our children.
B: Are you going to start a family?
A: Yes. We want to have a little boy and a little girl.
B: That sounds wonderful.
A: Except we can’t afford it!
B: No wonder you’re worried.
 

62. But Is It Art?
 
A: I don't get art.
B: Or artists.
A: They're in a different world.
B: I saw a painting of a jar that was full of pencils.
A: The artist said the jar was both full and empty.
B: But it was full of pencils! How could he say it was empty?
A: Artists see things differently.
B: Did you ever see anything that Picasso painted?
A: Of course! He's world famous.
B: Did he ever take art lessons?
A: I can't believe it. I drew paintings like that in third grade.
B: Where are they? Maybe they are worth millions.
 

63. Life Is for Living
 
A: What's the point?
B: The point of what?
A: Of living.
B: Who knows? You live, and then you die.
A: We must be here for some reason.
B: Maybe we're here to have fun.
A: Then why aren't I having fun?
B: Because you're thinking too much.
A: So I should stop thinking?
B: Stop thinking about what the point is.
A: Okay. I'll start thinking about having some fun.
B: Just be patient. Fun doesn't come along every five minutes.
 

64. A Tough Choice
 
A: Beer is a powerful drug.
B: So are cigarettes.
A: Which would you prefer?
B: What do you mean?
A: When you die and go to heaven, they will offer you beer or cigarettes.
B: I could pick only one or the other?
A: Yes. Nothing's perfect, not even in heaven.
B: Boy, that's a tough one.
A: What's so tough about it? Of course, I would pick cigarettes.
B: But cigarettes taste much better when you have a cold beer.
A: Well, you can't have everything.
B: I don't think I want to go to your heaven.
 

65. Patch It or Sew It?
 
A: My pants have a hole in the front pocket.
B: You shouldn't carry pens in your pocket.
A: Yesterday a pen fell through my pants onto my shoe.
B: Lucky for you it wasn't a sharp knife.
A: Who carries a sharp knife in their pocket?
B: Criminals, of course.
A: Anyway, I have to fix the hole.
B: You can sew it up or use an iron-on patch.
A: Tell me about this patch.
B: The patch has glue. The hot iron melts the glue so the patch sticks on.
A: That sounds a lot easier than sewing.
B: It is. But after about ten washings, the glue washes off.
 

66. What's So Funny?
 
A: Do you know any good jokes?
B: I can't remember jokes.
A: Neither can I.
B: They go in one ear and out the other.
A: Who makes up all these jokes?
B: Who knows? But there must be a hundred new ones every day.
A: Yes, just in English alone.
B: I wonder if every language has jokes.
A: Of course! People everywhere like good jokes.
B: What do you think people joke about the most?
A: I think most jokes are about women.
B: Oh, really? I think most jokes are about men!
 

67. Spanish Spoken Here

A: You're very lucky.
B: Why do you say that?
A: You speak two languages.
B: Well, my English isn't perfect.
A: No one speaks perfect English.
B: Maybe I will be the first!
A: I've been thinking about learning Spanish.
B: Spanish is easy. I'll be happy to teach you.
A: How long will it take me to learn?
B: I think it will only take you a year or two.
A: How soon can we begin?
B: Ahora! That means right now.
 

68. It's the Only Earth We've Got

A: Do you know what today is?
B: Yes, it's April 22.
A: It's more than just a date.
B: Is it your birthday or anniversary?
A: No, it's Earth Day.
B: What's that?
A: It's a yearly reminder to take care of our planet.
B: Oh, you mean like reuse things and recycle stuff?
A: Yes. We need to think green, save water, and stop using plastic bags.
B: How about if I take shorter showers?
A: That's a good idea, because showers waste a lot of water.
B: From now on I'll spend only 20 minutes in the shower.
 

69. No Time for Rhyme
 
A: Poetry sucks.
B: I don't know anyone who likes it.
A: Some of it is okay, I guess.
B: Yes, the poems that rhyme and are easy to remember.
A: Like "One, two, buckle my shoe."
B: But people still write poems.
A: No one makes any money at it.
B: Shakespeare was a poet.
A: Did he get rich from his poetry?
B: Probably not.
A: Poems are a little bit like songs.
B: Yes, but songs have music. Without music, songs would suck, too.
 

70. Dumb and Happy

A: How smart are you?
B: I don't know. I think I'm average.
A: Did you ever take an IQ test?
B: No, I never did. All I know is that I got A's and B's in school.
A: I wish I was really smart.
B: Don't be ridiculous.
A: What do you mean?
B: If you're going to make a wish, wish that you were really rich or famous.
A: Don't you ever wonder what it's like to be super-smart?
B: It must be very lonely.
A: Why's that?
B: Because if you're super-smart, no one understands what you're saying.
 

71. Live from NBC 4!
 
A: I missed the TV news last night. What was on?
B: Nothing that would pass as news.
A: What's the weather going to be like this weekend?
B: I don't know. Whenever the weather comes on, I switch channels.
A: What was the lead story on the news?
B: Some actress was in court for driving without a license.
A: What was the second story?
B: Some actor married a woman young enough to be his daughter.
A: What was the third story?
B: A bull chased a man in a supermarket.
A: Wasn't there anything about Octo-Mom?
B: Of course. She's going to hire a nanny for her eight infants.
 

72. Life after Death
 
A: What are you going to do about your death?
B: Well, mostly I'll try to avoid it.
A: I mean, are you going to get buried or cremated?
B: My wife and I will be cremated.
A: Are you going to be buried next to each other?
B: Oh, no. Our ashes will be shaken into the ocean.
A: You're not going to be buried?
B: A coffin costs too much and takes up too much space.
A: Yes, but it will be in a cemetery where your children can visit you.
B: Children seldom visit their parents in a cemetery.
A: That's true. A cemetery is for dead people, not living people.
A: We figure our kids can visit us whenever they go to the beach.
 

73. Wipe Your Feet
 
A: Did you wipe your feet?
B: Yes, of course I wiped my feet.
A: Then why is there mud on the carpet?
B: I don’t know. It’s not my mud.
A: Well, someone brought it into the house.
B: Look at the bottom of my shoes—they’re clean.
A: Of course they’re clean. You left all the mud on the carpet.
B: Okay, I’ll get the vacuum cleaner.
A: Don’t vacuum it now.
B: Don’t you want me to clean up the mud?
A: Wait till it dries. It will be easier to vacuum.
B: Next time I will be more careful.
 

74. Mother’s Day
 
A: What are you getting for your mom?
B: What are you talking about?
A: Sunday is Mother’s Day.
B: This Sunday?
A: Of course. It’s all over the news.
B: I thought it was next Sunday.
A: Well, you’d better get her something.
B: I’ll get her a nice card.
A: Is that it?
B: Yes. That’s all I ever give her.
A: She raised you, and all you ever give her is a card?
B: It’s okay. She knows that I love her.
 

75. A New Flag
 
A: I don’t like our flag.
B: What’s the matter with it?
A: It’s too much like other flags.
B: Yes, a lot of flags have stripes.
A: A flag should be pretty.
B: What should our flag look like?
A: It should have a pretty woman on it.
B: That’s ridiculous!
A: You don’t like pretty women?
B: Of course I do. But not on our flag!
A: Every nation should have a pretty woman on their flag.
B: You can’t go to war carrying a flag with a woman on it!
 

76. Work up an Appetite
 
A: I had a busy morning.
B: What did you do?
A: I watered all the plants.
B: You have a lot of plants.
A: Then I did my laundry.
B: That takes some time.
A: I took the dog for a walk.
B: I’ll bet he enjoyed his walk.
A: I vacuumed the entire house.
B: That’s a lot of work.
A: And then I made lunch.
B: I’ll bet you were hungry!
 

77. Dialing for a Dollar
 
A: I don’t have long distance service with my home phone.
B: So how do you make long distance calls?
A: I use a calling card.
B: Where do you get that?
A: I buy it at the dollar store.
B: How much is it?
A: It’s one dollar for 100 minutes.
B: That’s only a penny a minute!
A: It’s a great price. But you have to dial a lot of numbers.
B: How many?
A: First you dial seven numbers, then ten numbers, then ten more numbers.
B: Yikes. I think I’ll keep my long distance service.